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The Mother-Child Energy Connection

Usually when talking about subtle body and energetic teachings we are talking about our own subtle anatomy – our chakra (energy center) or meridian (energy line) mappings, and what physical body parts and psychological states they relate to. But within all of the energy healing and spiritual traditions that contain subtle body teachings, there are also teachings on our energetic connections to others – mappings of the ways we connect and share our energies.

Within these teachings, the mother-child energy line, or cord, holds a special place. When we talk about energy lines and cords, we aren’t simply talking about energy exchange. Everything is energy, so of course whenever we interact with someone there is an exchange. Every conversation, encounter, or even glance, involves an interaction of vibration – it is an energetic encounter, based on both parties’ thoughts and feelings. Our intuitions and ‘sixth senses’ stem from these exchanges.

Energy lines and cords go beyond energy exchange. They are direct energy lines that form between us and each of the individuals most prominent in our life. All together they create an energetic tapestry that mirrors our physical and emotional relationships. These lines may be heart-based (heart chakra) for those closest to us, or power-based (navel chakra) with those with whom we have complicated control issues, or in many cases both. They also may be based on shared energy or exchanges linked to almost any of the other chakras – for example, survival-based (first chakra), sex-based (second chakra), communication-based (throat chakra), vision-based (third eye), or spiritually-based (crown chakra.) Often they are a combination of many of these, reflecting the complex nature of our relationships themselves.

Among energy lines, the mother-child energy cord is unique because it is formed in utero and has a physical base. It mirrors the umbilical cord, in that it connects a mother’s sacral chakra with her child’s navel chakra. This means a mother’s creative and emotional energy (both linked to the second/sacral chakra) is directly linked to her child’s will, personal power, and mental constructs (all associated with the naval chakra.)

A big part of understanding the mother-child relationship (and for that matter, your own relationship with your mother!) is understanding this unique energy line. In the first few months of life, this energy cord mirrors the umbilical cord, in that a mother’s energy is literally helping to sustain her child. The first few months of a newborn’s life are often referred to as ‘the fourth trimester’, and although the physical umbilical cord and placenta are gone, energetically a mother is still nourishing her child, but with a special kind of energy. It can be very hard on both mother and child to be separated during this time, and it can feel overwhelming to a new mother. We expect to get some of our body and autonomy back after pregnancy once we have a child, but in fact, the energetic link is stronger than ever for a few months.

Over time this intensity diminishes, and the child becomes more energetically independent. The mother-child energy line becomes more of a line through which imprinting occurs, as the mother imprints mental constructs that help her child begin to order and process the world around her. This doesn’t in any way diminish the role that other individuals play in a baby’s development, including the father, other family members, and caretakers, but from an energetic perspective the way a mother does this through the mother-child energy cord is unique.  However, when a child loses or is separated from his birth mother, often other individuals (including adoptive parents) will form lines very similar to this mother-child bond to fill the gap.

A mother also continues to have a unique impact on her child’s health through this subtle body link. This can be exhausting, especially for a new mother that is struggling to maintain her own energy levels and health, especially if she is suffering from the baby blues, or worse, full-blown post-partum depression. Self-care is key. When travelling on an airplane we are told to put our own oxygen mask on first in an emergency, before helping our children, and this is good advice energetically too – making sure our own energetic needs are met will help us meet the needs of our children.

Over the course of childhood the mother-child energy cord lessens in intensity. A child becomes more independent energetically, just as she becomes more independent physically and psychologically. Letting go at the right pace on every level is really the art of parenting. If we try to tie our children down through this line, we inhibit their growth, and their own ability to take care of themselves. We may feel we are protecting them, but in fact we may be providing energetic functions that they will then never learn to provide for themselves.

On the other hand, if we let go too quickly or too fast, or don’t provide our children with the energetic connection they still need, they may not be able to feel grounded and stable. From an energetic perspective, this is often the case for children of addicts or other parents that are not able to fully care for them on a consistent basis – the child has difficulty developing lower chakra functions of stability and personal power. His energetic foundation is shaky or incomplete.

There are different theories on the phases of the mother-child energy line but the most obvious shifts occur around 6 months, 18 months, 3 years, 6 years, 12 years, and 18. While the intensity of the connection is shifting all the time, these ages mark the more dramatic shifts in independence. Often there are emotional upheavals around these times, if either the mother or child resists releasing the energy line. Either side can get ‘stuck’ developmentally if the line doesn’t continue to lessen, with the child taking on more of his own subtle body independence and the mother allowing this to occur.

So what is a mother to make of all of this technical energetic information? Obviously, much of it reflects what any mother can tell you intuitively about motherhood – that it often feels like your heart is walking around outside your body in the form of your children, that what happens to them happens to you too, that it is sometimes exhausting and draining, but that the bond and love is like no other.  The art to managing it all – like so much of womanhood – is balance.

Every moment of our lives we are involved in an energetic weave of our relationships, and our children are foremost amongst the threads. We will best be able to enjoy our part in this tapestry when we are able to strike the right balance between meeting our own energetic needs and those of our children. We also need to strike the right balance of independence and dependence, boundaries and sharing, at each point of the parenting journey. There are no hard and fast rules for how to do this – it is something we need to feel out for ourselves day by day, month by month, year by year.

One thing that is important to remember is that balancing these lines, and enforcing energetic boundaries or letting go, has nothing to do with closing our hearts. Our hearts can always be open in the ways that matter, even as our subtle body shifts or protects itself in the ways it needs for us to maintain our personal power and health, and for our children to come into their own. Parenting always involves sacrifice, including energetically, but it isn’t meant to be martyrdom, and in fact we are best able to give when we have a strong personal foundation from which to do so. We are best able to love when we are ourselves firmly planted in our connection to Source, the root energy of all, and can share that freely.

15 Comments leave one →
  1. December 19, 2013 5:40 am

    Lisa, you have a very beautiful way of writing and I enjoyed reading your perspective on this topic. The mother-child connection is always such a delicate balance, almost like a dance.

  2. July 10, 2014 2:45 am

    Thank you, this was really helpful and supportive.

  3. July 23, 2014 10:26 pm

    Thanks Ellen, I’m glad you found it helpful.

  4. September 1, 2015 7:29 pm

    I see that you are a mother of three, I would love some advice based on this concept of the mother-child energy connection! I have a 2.5 year old daughter. I have been her primary caregiver but I’m trying to cultivate more balance in my life right now and transition her to preschool in the fall. I can feel the strain of this energy shift right now and my formally fiercely independent, confident social child is having major meltdowns now when I hire a babysitter for a few hours. Today she clung to me in “terror” when the babysitter arrived and begged me not to go. Even though her Dad, who she ADORES and a family friend who she also loves were working on a project at the house for the day. I am desperate for some personal space and wanting to have some autonomy to give some of my energy to the pursuits I am called to after 2.5 years of having her be my entire world. I gave up my career (unexpectedly), which I loved, when she was born because it didn’t feel right to outsource her mothering and now I’m ready for the next phase of my life, to grow professionally again. I can feel the tug of our energetic cord and I want to be compassionate to her needs while still regaining some balance in my life. I would be forever grateful to any advice you have about this transition. PS she went to summer program for 5 weeks this summer and LOVED it! Didn’t bat an eye when I left her and cried when I came to pick her up to bring her home, and now this. So confusing.

  5. September 3, 2015 12:21 am

    Sarah, **sigh** I remember these days well, and it is very hard emotionally, because especially at this age you actually feel your child’s emotions as your own. From a developmental perspective, this is very common behavior for a 2 1/2 year old, as I’m sure you know. She wants to control her world and your presence in it, and this is her attempt. As long as you are hearing from the babysitter or school that after you leave she is fine, then it’s all good. I’m sure you’ve read the advice on how to say good-bye, assuring her you will be back etc., and simply being consistent with that is the most important thing.
    Ok, now on to the energetic part. Being consistent with how you say good-bye and establishing a regular routine is key. The common thought is that it takes about 6 weeks to establish a new routine for children this age, so having that in your mind as a target date may help you. Once you say good-bye and walk away, and are in your car (or whatever), send her loving thoughts, reiterate mentally that you will be back, and then really attempt to let it go until your time to return. If you are very distracted and can’t do that, and the sitter or teacher is willing to privately send you an update mid-way through your absence do that, as it’s better energetically if you can gain enough comfort with the situation that you can really relax the line. If it makes you feel better you can affirm the protective connection you have to her by visualizing a protective bubble emanating from your heart surrounding her before you go.
    What is really happening energetically over the course of the transition is that she will gain a new level of energetic and psychological independence and confidence in her ability to function in a new arena, without you around. That is good and natural. If she’s honestly not ready for that, in 6 weeks or so you’ll know it, but based on her reaction to the summer program, she completely is. As that transition occurs, you will gain a new level of independence too (which it sounds like you really need right now.) As I mentioned, most children go through a big shift into greater independence around 3, so this shift will roll right into that for you, and this time next year, I think you will be feeling much better about balancing everything (although the balancing act never completely goes away, and you never completely feel like you’ve got the balance down!)
    A cute book that talks about the mother-child connection for children is The Invisible String, if your daughter likes books this may help her:
    http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-String-Patrice-Karst-ebook/dp/B004ZIUCF6/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1441239197&sr=1-1&keywords=the+string
    Otherwise, the big thing that can hold both of you back from making the shift is mother guilt. So this is something you may have to work on within yourself if it becomes a big hindrance, so that you can work through it. Sometimes we inflict mother-guilt on ourselves as a kind of self-punishment based in old patterns of unworthiness, or sometimes it is based in themes from our own childhood and relationship to our own mother, or sometimes it is peer or social pressure. Sometimes it’s all three! As I’m sure you’ve already encountered, there is a never ending stream of advice, situations, and cultural pressures that combine to inflict mother-guilt upon today’s mothers. In my view, it’s a big problem. Remember the most important thing you can give your child is love. So just do that when you are with her, do your best at everything else, and let the rest slide off your back. If you are feeling trapped or weighed down by motherhood, resentment builds up and gets in the way of feeling love, and that does no good for either of you, so it’s really important you honor your own needs.

  6. May 5, 2016 6:23 pm

    My mom died suddenly in her sleep when I was 5.5. She was a stay at home mom so I was basically with her 24/7. Dad was a busy professor.I have an older sister and brother-12 and 10 years older than me respectively. After she died and the rest of my childhood,I never felt any send if loss or shock or grief.I don’t know why. Since becoming and adult I cry whenever anything phases me.anything.-pressure,doubt,misunderstanding,conflict…I thought it was just a quirk.Even my husband is used to it now. Now at 35 i started trying to have a baby and my cycles instantly went out of whack. I went to see a reiki therapist and after talking she says it may have something to do with losing my mum. But I don’t see this. I don’t feel sadness or grief or loss thinking about her. I don’t cry when I hink about her. So I guess my question is can you explain how or if my mom dying at that age may have affected me and my energy.? And no my dad was more like an awesome “uncle ‘ than a Mr mum.any input would be awesome. Thankyou

  7. May 5, 2016 7:34 pm

    Hi Shola, thanks for your question. Things like that are very individual, so it’s hard to say how it might have impacted you based just on the general info. The second chakra is related to both our energy body and fertility though, so from a chakras perspective, what you describe is largely related to your second chakra. In general from an energetics perspective, no, the loss of a mother is not something I see as a common link to fertility issues. But it’s not to say there isn’t a link. Of course I assume you are working with a conventional doctor too, and going through the process of evaluating everything physically? What I see more often, in terms of a mind/body/energy link, is women with physical issues inhibiting their fertility who also are survivors of sexual abuse or assault. In that case, there are often energetic blocks in the first and second chakra, and working to clear those, along with addressing whatever physical issues are present, can together help to open up a woman’s fertility.

    However, often underlying emotional fears can trigger energetic blocks in the second chakra too, so that’s something to look at. Do you feel the fact that your mother died so young may have left you with any fears around becoming a mother and leaving your own children in the same way? Or do you think you might have any fears about your ability to mother, since you did not have one around? The decision to become pregnant often highlights so many of our fears over the kind of parent we will be. It often brings long buried childhood fears and insecurities to the surface as well. So there may be some emotional issues such as that that are impacting you, rather than repressed grief over the loss of your mother. If so, then working with that in therapy, through energy work, or whatever method is comfortable for you may help.

    I always recommend second/sacral chakra meditations also when a woman is trying to conceive, I have some links on my chakras page:
    https://mommymystic.wordpress.com/chakras/
    You may also want to look at root and navel chakra meditations to create a sense of foundation and protection for your second chakra.
    Good luck to you-

  8. Rebecca permalink
    July 7, 2016 11:33 am

    Hi Lisa, I would love your advice. My 10 month old daughter is leaving me exhausted and drained. She seems to be so sensitive, she cries for hours during the day, despite having all her needs met, eg. Cuddles, sleep and feeds. If I put her down on the floor for a minute to get some chores done, she cries, if I sit with her, she cries. Don’t get me wrong, she is not like this all the time, but it seems compared to other babies she needs a lot of attention. I also have another child and he was quite a happy and settled baby in comparison so I know the difference. The point is, that it is leaving me absolutely wrecked and exhausted at the end of the day and I want my energy back so I can be a good mum and enjoy my life! I have always been very sensitive to energy so I know that her neediness is draining me. I work on my chakras religiously by meditating, especially on my third chakra, so my question is, is there anything I can do to prevent my batteries from running out? And to help my own daughter grow in a space of peace, love and nurturance? Thank you

  9. July 11, 2016 5:43 pm

    Hi Rebecca, I am so sorry to hear of your situation, I know it can be so tough, especially when you have another child. I am sure you have done this already, but it’s important to make sure there are no physical issues going on that may be contributing, i.e. any physical pain, which includes discomfort related to food allergies. A doctor can advise you how to track whether or not that may be a part of this. But assuming it’s not physical, it sounds like she is a highly sensitive child. If you haven’t already read up on this, I highly suggest goggling highly sensitive children, and reading some of the advice that you find. Others are covering this area much better than me, so I don’t want to spend too much time on it, but in general it is often a sign of being highly intuitive and empathic to energies. Because you are part of her protection field, it makes her even more anxious about separation from you. Finding ways to help her feel safe and secure will be key to her gradually outgrowing this, as will paying special attention to her environment. It will help once she is moving around more on her own too, as she will feel more in control. As she gets older, it will be important to help her establish good energetic boundaries, so she can truly own her sensitivity as a gift, not a curse.
    In the meantime, it is so important that you are taking care of yourself too. I think from a chakra perspective, root chakra energy may actually be more important than third chakra energy. Practice drawing energy up from the earth regularly throughout the day, and get into nature when possible. This will help your daughter too. You can also work on establishing an energetic boundary around both yourself and her – visualize a bubble around both of you even when you are physically apart, and see if that helps to soothe her – if she can start to tap into the energetic connection, she may be able to accept the physical separation more easily.

  10. Anonymous permalink
    July 25, 2016 3:48 am

    Thank you for this….

  11. Michelle arregoitia permalink
    October 3, 2016 10:59 am

    I came across this post by”accident” after doing a guided mediation of regaining personal power.
    I have a 22 year old son with Cerepral palsy and an intellectual disability who shows signs of bi polar. Since birth he displayed a disposition of irritation and anxiety to such a degree that it is difficult for him to feel comfortable in publi. We are at a crossroads now after finishing school at 21 last year. He waivers on going to an adult program and has difficult understanding, explaining and processing feelings. Meditation would be difficult for him as he has difficulty remaining focused.
    Today I meditated around my 3rd chakra and imagining a cord to him sending light and power.
    Any possibility that as he may not have the ability to meditate or understand these concepts, that the energy I send to him could have the same effect as if he would be able to do it for himself.
    Any advice would be appreciated.
    Thank you!

  12. October 8, 2016 9:59 pm

    Hi Michelle, absolutely the energy you send him can help him, especially as his mother. However, you really have to be careful to take care of yourself too, as I mention in this article:-)

  13. November 22, 2016 4:44 am

    Hello, I’m seeking guidance on how to feel more connected to my mother who passed away when I was 14. I am now nearly 18. My mother and I had a healthy relationship while she was alive, and we both loved each other very much. But since her death, I have felt very disconnected from her emotionally and spiritually, which has been painful. This disconnect has impacted my every day life through depression and physical illnesses. How can I try to strengthen the chord I have with her? Thank you.

Trackbacks

  1. To All Mothers…And All Beings | Mommy Mystic
  2. 2nd Chakra Series – 21 Ways to Care for Your Sacral Chakra | Mommy Mystic

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