Bitch or Witch? Fears That Keep Us From Owning Our Power
Please join me for a free (donation optional) Winter Solstice energy work teleseminar on Sunday December 20th at 5pm PST. A recording will be available for those not able to participate live. Register at my website or by commenting on this post (include your email address, although that will not display), and I will send call-in details next week. Proceeds will benefit The Breathe Network.
Some posts come easily and others do not. I began working on this one soon after my last post – almost 2 months ago – but it never felt quite right. After the world events of this Fall, many other topics rose to the top of my attention, and I felt a deep need to write something relevant, something that would speak to and about the forces at work around and within all of us at this time. I was never quite able to do so.
Finally, as Winter Solstice neared, I realized this original post – on two of the main challenges women face to owning our power – was exactly what I wanted to write about right now. Energetically, Winter Solstice is a time of moving inward, contemplating and surfacing blocks and next steps, so that we may emerge on the other side newly empowered and inspired. There are so many variations on the abuse of power in the news these days that it’s especially important to really explore what power is, and what it means to manifest it positively.
Power is often an uncomfortable topic for spiritual seekers, especially women. We are much more comfortable talking about compassion, lovingkindness, and even wisdom. But power is central to the spiritual path; in fact, one could even say power is what it’s all about – allowing the ultimate power of the universe, the essence of which we are all composed, to flow through us naturally, unhindered, so that our unique expression of it may be known and felt in the world.
If we look at all of recorded human history, it’s clear that the rise of feminine power in all forms (and this includes the breakdown of gender stereotypes that limit anyone’s self-expression or gender identity) is one of the hallmarks of our current age. It’s a gestalt, a theme of our times. Never has it been more important that the old ways of thinking about male and female power, and about gender overall, fall away. Never has it been more important for individuals of both genders to break through cultural conditioning, religious and social limitations, and own their full power. On some level, the struggles related to this are part of every conflict going on in the world today (think about each one, and see if you agree.)
So owning your power is not a small thing. It’s also not an egotistical thing, because it’s about much more than just you. What then, are the ways we as women block our own power?
If we look at both history and the current cultural portrayals of women, it’s easy to see we have a real ‘bitch or witch’ problem. Women with communication styles or opinions that are deemed too aggressive or angry are often labeled bitchy. Women who explore religious beliefs or healing modalities deemed outside of the mainstream are often labeled witchy. Women in this day and age with spiritual proclivities, or who are drawn to energy or intuitive studies (you! I’m talking about you reading a blog called Mommy Mystic!) are prone to fear both.
Throughout much of history, either label could have gotten you killed (and in parts of the world, this is still true today.) Not just disliked or ostracized, but killed – hung, burned at the stake, stoned, drowned, thrown to the lions. We are all impacted by the cultural residue of that history, by ancestral memory, and, if you believe in past lives, by those as well. As I explored in my post on neuroplasticity and epigenetics, traumatic historical events may even impact genetic expression. Is it any wonder then that exploring your power in this day and age – particularly spiritual or occult power – can feel dangerous? That it feels safer to toe the line, do what’s expected of you, stick to mainstream beliefs, blend in, cover your light?
Really coming to own your power, and to feel comfortable expressing and manifesting it in the world, is a part of most contemporary women’s personal growth trajectory. It is an underlying theme of almost all my private session women energetic’s work. And through that work I have also come to believe that in particular there is a karmic return occurring amongst women interested in spiritual and healing themes (again, I’m talking about you, reading this blog!) – a mass surfacing and clearing of energies and patterns directly linked to witch hunts in Europe and the colonies during the 12th through 18th centuries (and actually in many other lesser known cultures and countries as well, throughout history – it’s a recurring theme.) I don’t mean that every women who is working through power issues was persecuted as a witch in a past life (although sometimes this is the case.) But I do feel that the karmas, in the form of fears, that were generated energetically at that time and that became a part of our cultural psyche, are now rising to the surface to be seen, healed, released, and transformed. This clearing is an important part of the rise of feminine power, and the rebalancing of masculine and feminine energies, that is occurring right now, and that is so central to the positive evolution of our world.
To begin to work with these energies yourself, first think about your own childhood conditioning around power. What were girls allowed to express or not express as compared to boys? How were you expected to voice your opinions (if you were encouraged to?) What messages did you receive about anger? Did you develop habits of people-pleasing and not rocking the boat in order to calm things around you? What role did women play (or not) in the religion you were raised in? What value was intuition or the unseen given?
Of course a lot of your answers at this level have nothing to do with past life, or even present day, persecution. But they do help surface the underlying beliefs about feminine and spiritual power that may be influencing your own ability to own your power.
One emotional pattern that can be linked to this fear is engaging in people-pleasing to such an extent that you alter your personality to fit what you think others’ want you to be. There’s nothing wrong with trying to get along with people, and we all adapt our personas according to roles and relationships, and to make people comfortable. But when it crosses the line, energetically it becomes something else – we aren’t drawing any power from the core of our being, the seat of our authenticity, and emanating it out. All our energy is being directed into our surface persona, in trying to fit in and thus ‘be safe’, so our power cannot flow naturally and unimpeded. Instead we are left drained from the effort of interacting. Ultimately, it is actually more draining to stay small in this way than to let our power flow, because when our power flows naturally it is just energy coming forth from our inner being. From an energetics perspective, we become a conduit for this power, as it flows from the inner doorway of our chakras.
Another emotional pattern that can arise from fears of being labeled ‘bitch or witch’ is a debilitating fear of conflict and our own anger – shying away from them to the point where we cannot stick up for ourselves or others in the face of injustice. Keeping things calm and unthreatening becomes our first priority, to our own detriment. Often this backfires, as we repress anger to such an extent that it erupts erratically and destructively.
Here are some other ways that these fears may manifest as blocks to owning your own (spiritual) power:
- Keeping your spiritual/alternative interests hidden to such a degree that you divide your life, making yourself into 2 people.
- Feeling as if there is no one in your life to which you express your authentic self, or can be yourself.
- Not being able to take your healing or intuitive abilities to another level, or to speak about them in front of people.
- Special fears around speaking in front of others about any topic, or about being in front of people, the center of their focus, for any reason.
- Paranoia or hyper-sensitivity about being betrayed, to the point that you see betrayal even in every day disagreements with friends or partners.
- A deep sense of being ‘bad’ – a sense that you have done something ‘wrong’ – an ‘original sin’ feeling.
- Deep-seated isolation and/or inability to trust anyone.
Of course many other experiences or conditioning factors can contribute to these kinds of emotional patterns. I am not trying to say that feeling any of these is a sign you were burnt at the stake as a witch in a past life. I mentioned the possibility of karmic roots only as a way of indicating how deep-seated many of these patterns are in our energy beings and psyches. Knowing your karmic history is not that important to your healing and empowerment, and in fact sometimes can even serve as a distraction. What is relevant is contemplating how these patterns might be present and functioning within you, and how they might be preventing you from owning your power.
Because being powerful is a good thing! It is not bad – power is not inherently good or bad. How you choose to use your power is what determines your impact on the world. This is true of all kinds of power – personal, social, political, occult (all of which are reflections of your personal power, your energetic power.) Holding back on owning yours, and on using it, hurts yourself and everyone who might otherwise benefit from what you have to offer the world. The world needs you now more than ever at your most powerful, radiant, loving, and wise.
So this Solstice may your power – the power of light, of love, of peace – flow through you unhindered. May you own and express it fearlessly in 2016, becoming the light in the world you are meant to be!
And I do hope you’ll join me for the Solstice teleseminar, and after that for my annual New Year’s book giveaway here in my final post of the year.