Working with Your Sexual Energy – Part I
What do you think is the most common Women’s Energetics question I receive by email? I think many people assume it’s related to healing the second chakra from abuse or trauma, because unfortunately so many women experience this, but that’s not it. The most common question I actually receive is about how to manage sexual energy. Many women feel either that their sexual energy is too low, or too high, and in either case, they are looking for advice from an energetics perspective on what to do about it.
To some extent, I think the frequency of this question is a reflection of our cultural discomfort with issues of sexuality and sexual energy – despite the fact that sexual imagery is everywhere. As is well-established by now, most of those images are male-oriented – they represent men’s sexual fantasies, as opposed to women’s. We aren’t nearly as comfortable with women’s sexuality, and that contributes to many women feeling as if their sexual energy isn’t ‘right’, no matter what.
I decided it was time to write more about it here, in a two part series posting this and next week, based on the questions I have received by email over the years. I am hoping some of you will post comments too – anonymously if you wish – so we can get a healthy dialogue going about it. And men can chime in too – I am writing mostly from the perspective of women’s sexual energy because that is who I hear from, but I welcome all (respectful) questions and comments. This topic can be dicey to discuss online because of search engines’ touchiness (as I learned when posting a Google ad for my upcoming teleseminar for sexual abuse survivors, which was initially denied as being for an ‘Escort Service.’) Hopefully I can avoid any search engine blacklisting of this post! I am also trying not to repeat material I’ve already covered in my Second Chakra Series or Chakra Overview pages.
From the perspective of the energy healing and spiritual traditions that discuss women’s sexual energy, there are really 3 main principles that I think are the most important to understand:
1) Sexual energy in women is rooted in the second or sacral chakra, while for men it’s rooted in the first or root chakra. Understanding the differences between these chakras helps illuminate a lot of the differences between men’s and women’s sexual energies – and their relationship to it.
2) Sexuality is just one expression of sacral chakra energy – the most physical one, and the one most culturally supported. But we can channel this energy into many different areas of our life if we so choose.
3) All the themes of the sacral chakra are interconnected – emotions, creativity, sensuality, sexuality, and fluidity. Issues in one area can trigger issues in another. Growth in one area can trigger growth in others. The energy call also be consciously channeled from one area to another.
So let’s work through these one at a time, and what they mean to you:
In both genders, the genitalia are associated with the root chakra, and the internal reproductive organs and glands (prostate in men, ovaries in women) are associated with the second or sacral chakra. A man’s kundalini energy, and his sexual energy, are primarily expressed energetically through his root chakra, and therefore more linked to themes of that chakra, while a woman’s are linked to her sacral chakra and its themes.
Every chakra has both an emanating and receiving aspect, and when we talk about sexual energy, we might mean either. When a woman exudes sexual energy, it’s one expression of her sacral chakra energy, and it reflects all of the energies we associate with this chakra – passion, sensuality, and fluidity (in the sense of not being rigid/frigid.) This is the emanating aspect of this energy.
Energetically, the actual experience of sexual desire in a woman is part of the centripetal/receptive aspect of this chakra – a desire to pull someone to her. This is the biological role women play in procreation too, and this is mirrored on the subtle level. The inward-pulling action of a women’s second chakra is one of its defining characteristics, and something that plays a large role in many sacred sexuality traditions – a woman’s sacral chakra is seen as a vortex into Source itself.
Sexual energy is just one expression of sacral chakra energy though. For the most part, when we talk about sexual energy in this culture, we are talking about a very physically-based energy. It is hormonally-driven and experienced, and is a reflection of our biological drive to procreate and survive as a species. These are some of the big themes of the root chakra and certainly this part of both men’s and women’s experience of sexual energy, even though women are more focused in their sacrals. But sacral chakra energy (in both genders) has a lot of other forms of expression, and in socio-cultural messages, that is not widely honored, so that it can be difficult for women in particular to connect with the full range of their sacral chakra energies. They can only experience it sexually.
This is what I sometimes find to be the case in women who feel they have too much sexual energy, and feel it is a distraction. Often they have a huge buildup of sacral energy, but have not learned other ways of channeling this energy, and so it becomes solely expressed sexually. Finding other ways to express sacral energy, as well as ways to move it both down into the root (related to manifesting) and upward into the upper chakras (related to spiritual growth) is the subject of next week’s post.
The other side of the coin is women who feel they have difficulty accessing their sexual energy, and would like to free up this energy. Often there is healing work to be done around this, either from abuse and trauma, or from religious and parental messages that instilled shame over feminine sexuality. In these cases, the sacral energy is shutdown in some way – either caged because this feels ‘safer’ or simply blocked from a sense of wounding. Sometimes women develop coping mechanisms that involve a very strong navel chakra, but this can be exhausting because it’s all about being driven by will rather than passion. Since I’ve written so much on sacral chakra healing before (and one more plug – this is part of the next 2 teleseminars I’m doing) I won’t go into it in detail here, but even after or while this healing work is going on, there is still often additional work needed to really open up the flow and owning of this energy.
One of the most helpful tools for doing so is to really find ways to connect to the other, non-sexual, expressions of the second chakra – again, those are emotions, sensuality, creativity, and fluidity. Activities that bring out your passion will light up this chakra, and this can really be anything! You may passionate about music, or food, or candles, or cats! Any topic or activity that you adore and engage with emotionally will help stimulate this chakra. Finding sensual activities will too – engaging with the sights, sounds, smells, and textures of any activity you enjoy, from hiking to quilting to painting. For it to awaken sacral energies you need to focus in on the moment-to-moment sense-experience though, as opposed to the ‘goal’.
Creativity and fluidity are important too. We are all creative, so finding the outlet that works for you is key. It might be expressed through your personal style, or decor, or problem solving. Or it might involve dancing around your living room alone, which also awakens your fluidity! When we talk about fluidity, we mean the opposite of rigidity – physical, emotional, and mental. So finding activities that open you up to something, that might even involve a manageable level of risk, can get your sacral juices flowing again. Especially when recovering from sacral wounding, finding ‘baby-step’ ways to allow more flow and unpredictability into your life can be very important, because a kind of ‘box’ has been placed around the sacral chakra as a form of protection.
There is a reciprocal action that occurs, when we focus on the non-sexual expressions of the sacral, that can help awaken the sexual aspect too. As we get more comfortable with this energy, we can begin to own it in its entirety, not only as sexual or non-sexual. We can come to feel it in ourselves as part of our humanity, part of our femininity and part of our spirituality. I’ve talked a bit about this in the second chakra series, but will talk more about sacred sexuality, and ways to channel sexual energy into its other aspects, in the second post of this series.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear your comments, questions and experiences with your own sexual energy, and what it means to you. I know this can be a sensitive subject, so feel free to post anonymously if you like:-) (just logout first if you are a WordPress user.) Namaste-