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Spiritual Processing,Transits and Empowerments

December 8, 2009

It’s been longer than I planned since I last wrote here! That’s partly because of family holiday events and preparations – I really love the Solstice/Christmas/New Year season, as I consider it a celebration of enlightenment (more on that in my next post.) But I’ve also been spending more time offline, giving myself some space to process the power and light available at this time of year, and that’s what I decided to write on this week – the descriptions of spiritual processing, transits, and empowerments represented in various spiritual traditions. I think it’s useful to look at these models, and see what resonates at different points in our life and journey.

I think this is a difficult topic for many of us to get our heads around, because on the one hand we know (and are told in many spiritual writings) that inner peace, happiness and knowledge are right here, right inside us, accessible at all times. My favorite chant, Om Mani Padme Hum, is sometimes translated as ‘the jewel in the lotus’, referencing the inherent enlightened mind within each, and all, of us. This is a truth represented in the mystic branches of every religious and spiritual tradition.

So if it’s always right here, why is there a process involved in recognizing it?

That’s the million-dollar paradox: that spiritual insight/inner peace/enlightenment (or whatever phrase you like) both is and isn’t the product of a process. (And I literally mean million-dollar, or maybe even 100 million dollar, because spirituality has become an industry, like any other.) I don’t think the answer to this paradox can really be reasoned out, but here’s a couple of ways to look at why this is so:

1) Enlightenment (or again, whatever word you like) is infinite, and there’s no end to what you can realize.

2) Ego is tricky, and staying true to what you have realized requires (in the words of Alastar Moody to Harry Potter) “constant vigilance, Potter, constant vigilance”.

In other words, you’re never done. (And thank goodness for that, or things might get boring.)

So in that spirit, here’s several types of processing and transiting that we all go through, some all the time, and some maybe only once or twice a lifetime, depending on the nature of our individual journey:

Psychological Shifts

We humans are relational and situational beings, and whenever our circumstances or relationships change, it kicks off a series of shifts in our physical, emotional, and mental beings. Hopefully we are aware of these shifts, and provide ourselves the space to go through them. If we don’t, we often act out or internalize emotions as a result. Young children are prone to both acting out or internalizing when circumstances in their lives change, as they often can’t express, or even identify, what it is they are feeling. So they (or we, when the same thing happens to us) might experience irritability, disruptions to sleep patterns, stomach upset, or any number of other ‘symptoms’ when life changes aren’t addressed in a conscious way.

Buddhism really nails this one, in my view. One of the three marks of existence is impermanence – in a nutshell, everything changes, from our physical to our emotional to our mental beings, and everything in the ‘external’ world as well. We are potentially a different being every day that we wake up, because we aren’t a fixed unit – we are a fluid field of energy that shifts in relationship to our world. Part of living consciously is recognizing when bigger shifts are occurring for us, and handling them with as much awareness and compassion as we can.

Seasonal Waves

Because we’re all fluid fields of energy, we’re linked into the larger cycles of nature – or can be, if we pay attention. In modern society we’ve insulated ourselves from the cycles of nature to some extent, which is too bad in many ways, because we lose touch with these natural rhythms (something I was reminded of yet again when reading The Red Tent.) The equinoxes and solstices were considered especially powerful times by most ancient civilizations, and spiritual communities around the globe  still honor them as such. For me, the winter solstice is perhaps the most powerful time of year. Many consider the summer solstice to be the most ‘spiritual’, because it represents the ‘lightest’ day (in the northern hemisphere anyway.) But I love the mystery and power of the winter solstice – I consider it a time for diving deep, cocooning, and coming out new.

Life Phases

I’ve written quite a bit about this one, especially for women, so I won’t repeat it all here. But certainly we can all recognize that the different phases of human life – childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, maturity, aging – as well as different life activities we might engage in – career, family life, etc. – each have their own processes and transits associated with them.

Astrological Transits

In all the various systems of astrology, there’s some concept of transit – that the planets as they move through the sky form angles to the planets in our natal (birth) astrological chart, and these correspond to particular energies or themes arising in our lives. Some of these transits are brief – a day or two – and others, associated with the furthest, slowest moving planets – last months or years. There are several that we all experience, such as the Saturn Return in our late twenties, the Saturn and Uranus mid-life transits of our forties, and the Chiron Return of our early fifties. Like all types of transits, we can go through these consciously or unconsciously, and that will largely determine whether we experience them as painful periods, or phases of phenomenal growth and insight (or both, because of course these two aren’t mutually exclusive!)

Ascension

Many spiritual traditions have some concept of ascension – profound and life-changing spiritual transits representing our soul’s or spirit’s movement towards, and greater union with, light or source. Some might say that spontaneous mystic experiences are a type of ascension, while others might say it is a product of prolonged spiritual work. Akemi Gaines, an Akashic Record reader I interviewed earlier this Fall, discussed her views on ascension there and on her blog. I was also recently re-reading some writings by St. Teresa of Avila, who uses the word ‘ascended’ to describe one of her four stages of union with God.

Although ascension is not a word I often use, mostly because much of my spiritual lexicon is derived from Eastern traditions, I am fascinated with how writings on ascension correspond to Eastern teachings on…

Kundalini and Other Energetic Transits

In Eastern traditions such as Vajrayana Buddhism and Kundalini yoga (and all the evolutions of these traditions that have developed here in the West), energy techniques such as chakra meditation (one of my favorites, as most of you well know) are used to consciously and deliberately move energy through key energy channels and doorways in our beings. These channels and doorways are intersections of mind, body and spirit, and when energy moves through them, blockages are released, and processes are triggered. In short, transits are consciously sought and triggered – in fact, that’s really the point of these types of practices. Energy transits can and do occur all the time without engaging in these kinds of practices, but the point of them, for those interested, is to go through them more quickly and more consciously.

When you’re in a major kundalini transit, you can feel very unstable at times – the structure of your energy being is going through a transformation at some level, and there’s processing (that word again) involved. Any number of things can trigger these kinds of transit, not just energy practices (in fact, the book Liquid Light of Sex, which I’ve mentioned here before, discusses the major astrological transits in terms of kundalini transits.) Sometimes these transits represent a kind of release – patterns (or karmas, if you will) have risen to the top of your awareness field, in order to be shed (and sometimes kick up some mischief on the way out.) Other transits are really best described as a transmutation – you are being energetically rewired.

In addition to certain energy practices, initiations and empowerments are a common way for these kinds of transits to be triggered in mystic and occult traditions. A direct transmission from a teacher (living or from another plane) is meant to open doorways to states of awareness that you might otherwise not experience for many years on your own, and to kick off certain spiritual transits in your being. These might not manifest for years – or lifetimes. And in fact, I would venture to say that this kind of transmission is what most religions that revolve around a deity or personage are really meant to be about (although most have gotten hopelessly mucked up in the process.)

So there you go, a multitude of different types and descriptions of processes in the spiritual journey. What are your thoughts? Any more to add? Do you think you have or are going through any of these, and what questions or advice do you have for others doing so?

32 Comments leave one →
  1. December 8, 2009 11:26 pm

    Interesting post.
    I’m going through so many transits I don’t even know which category they fall into. Is it ascension? Or is it more personal? Or is it just seasonal? Aaaaagh!

    I will check the posts you are linking. And thank you for the mention — much appreciated.

    Blessings,
    Akemi

  2. mommymystic permalink*
    December 8, 2009 11:45 pm

    Akemi – that’s partly why I wrote this post – I feel like everyone I know is transiting a lot. It seems to be a big wave for that right now…. I meant to say in the post that I think all of these overlap, in many ways they are different ways of describing and/or experiencing the same thing…

  3. December 9, 2009 12:17 am

    What great information, Lisa! What I’m finding helpful lately as I experience waves upon waves of these transits, is to remember them for what they are – opportunities for growth. If I can lift my awareness far enough out of my current circumstances and see my life from a broader, nonphysical perspective, then it becomes more clear what I’m to learn and what I’m to release.

    For example, self-doubt, which normally ties me in knots and keeps me stuck in one place, has recently become more clear as simply an opportunity to OVERCOME self-doubt. Now, when I feel self-doubt, instead of wringing my hands and wondering if maybe this one time, I really do need to let the doubt stop me, I can let go of it completely, in the trust that it’s just a lesson. That’s it. There is no huge thing to lose here.

    The only trick is to stay aware so I notice when I’m being given another lesson. For me, that comes from daily meditation and journaling.

    Cheers!
    Alexis

  4. mommymystic permalink*
    December 9, 2009 4:29 am

    Alexis, this is great practice advice, as this kind of transit that you are describing for me really is an example of a karma that is releasing…it actually seems like it is intensifying as it releases. And your example highlights how differently we can go through this kind of transit consciously. Some transits don’t manifest at this level, as patterns in our consciousness, but many do, and that’s when approaching then this way really helps smooth the way.

  5. December 9, 2009 7:12 am

    This probably has been the most spiritually transformational year I’ve ever had. I’ve experienced and worked through some hard-core, kundalini raising energies and transmissions compounded by tragic and interesting life events. And I have some things to say.

    Some of my enlightenment experiences had me hanging on by a mere thread…I’m not complaining. Nor am I coming from a place of egoic anything. I just want to convey that faith is paramount. These shifts are not necessarily comfortable, but they remain a privilege for which I am grateful.

    I’m not going to kid you…there are benefits. I have a new and stronger understanding of my spirituality, immortality, communicating with spirits, and interacting with my guides. Particularly my newest guide, who joined me this year. Beyond interesting.

    And my life is shaken up…I’ve lost a lot of people and gained many new friends. My life is aligning and organizing in new ways that are healthier on all levels. I’m starting a doctorate program (something I swore I’d never do).

    I’m working to live in the energies in my life, not in the stories. I have really strong boundaries. I’m super clear, I feel like a tunnel of light.

    But that’s today. I know it will change. My advice is; stay pointed at light, be sincere and spiritual experiences will come to you.

    Finally, for me the 11:11 phenomenon is a doorway. It did take me a while, but I learned to work with it.

    Namaste

    ~ Durga

  6. December 9, 2009 2:08 pm

    Well, as you already know, motherhood (life phase) has been a biggie for me, and continues to be.

    What I find interesting, is just how many people, or it seems to me, do not do well with transitions. What is it about us that denies or fights them instead? Is it our disconnection from Nature, our souls, our spiritual selves?

    I know that for me, without my spiritual philosophies, I would be floundering on the how and why and what and what-now, of it all.

  7. Anonymous permalink
    December 9, 2009 4:11 pm

    Hi Lisa~

    Divine flow of timing this post brings. Just when I feel as though my feet are solid to Mother Earth, repeated weeble wobbles within emerge. During the processing phases my perception seems to flow, it is the after effects that briefly somehow birth an earth shattering soul shock..a deep connecting repaired severed thread which manifests into a peculiar energy.

    I too, adore Om Mani Padre Hum, I had to replace the CD from over use:-).

  8. December 9, 2009 4:16 pm

    not sure how my comment came up anonymos… lol
    Carla

  9. December 9, 2009 7:15 pm

    Lisa,
    I believe we are always on that journey. Sometimes we may pause, sometime we may take a few steps back, sometimes we may change directions, sometimes we may just be confused and lost. And that’s all part of our own personal journey, whatever that means to us…on a very personal level.

    I also think that it’s easy to be in that “lost” state in our spiritual journey, and not even realize it. Maybe you could call in wandering. We’re out there, and we are moving – it’s just that we really don’t know where we are going to. Is this good or bad? I don’t know. Perhaps too much wandering will just keep us lost. On the other hand, maybe we’ll stumble up something that will be a light to us, too.

    I really do love how you have highlighted different paths we may encounter on this journey. For me, there are a couple of areas I haven’t really considered, and maybe that’s part of the wandering within my own soul…and trying to come to some answer…an answer that has to be deeply personal.

  10. mommymystic permalink*
    December 9, 2009 7:47 pm

    Carla – (What a poet you are! (And P.S. OpenID has been acting up a lot lately, so that could be it. )

    Mon – Personally I think the human ego/psyche just naturally resists change. Who was it that said that the modern ego is just an over-development of our ancient survival instinct? In other words, it’s priority is it’s own stability and survival, at all costs. So I think change is always met at that level with some resistance (although some psyches are tricky, and actually crave change like a kind of drug, and that can be a different way of staving off real change!) For me, the only value of having a spiritual framework or belief system is because it helps us work through these resistances. No belief system is inherently true, but they do function as a useful tool for processing consciously. Of course it’s a fine line between spiritual practice/beliefs and narcissism sometimes:-)

  11. Hathor permalink
    December 9, 2009 8:41 pm

    I am very grateful for this post. I like what you said in response to Akemi about transits overlapping. I feel that with all of this “stuff” that has been kicked up in my life, that with swinging back in forth, I am starting to settle a little. With this settling I have found a clearer way of seeing things. Not that things were not on the edge of my awareness before, but I feel as though I have been given new eyes of clearer sight. Above all I love the practice, and I guess that’s what drives me, even in the rocky times. Reading this post is just another helpful stop on this path that I love.
    Thank You:)

  12. December 10, 2009 12:42 am

    Hi Lisa
    Welcome back and what a post.
    I personally relate to learning from the seasons of nature.
    I resonate with what you say here; “In modern society we’ve insulated ourselves from the cycles of nature to some extent, which is too bad in many ways, because we lose touch with these natural rhythms”.

    Watching seasons explains a lot for me and does show me that there are lifecycles in my life as well.
    It give me solace to see that in spring, things always start to grow again, it gives me joy to see the abundance in summer and it reminds me of abundance I have in my life.
    Nature is so clear and simple and yet such a profound teacher for me.
    It shows me that all is interconnected and nothing can be without the other.
    I wish we were indeed aware of our part and how we all are connected and how we influence each other.
    I am not sure about ascension, it feels like an exam to me. I do think when we can become love in action, everything and everybody around us will change and earth will become different because we see and be different and we will become like God intended us to be.

  13. eastkentuckygal permalink
    December 10, 2009 1:02 am

    I found your blog sometime ago and have been following it for some time and just subscribed recently. I really appreciate your insights. I have found my 30s to be a very spiritual time for me. My spiritual beliefs are changing from what I was told I should believe to what I am lead to believe from what is inside of me. I have been practicing Kundalini yoga and have found it an amazing tool for growth. It is a beautiful practice. However, at times it can feel very chaotic taking me through ups and downs with intensity. I am also reading Joel S. Goldsmith for the first time. I am definitely in deep integration this season. I hope to find some way to celebrate the winter solstice with my family. I am trying so hard to reign in my bodily reactions to things, but am finding it very difficult, especially with impatience. thanks for this post.

  14. December 10, 2009 9:10 am

    >>In other words, it’s priority is it’s own stability and survival, at all costs. <<

    Ah, that sounds reasonable.

  15. December 10, 2009 6:14 pm

    Hi Lisa,

    I think life is a series of transits. I remember watching the television movie for Shirley MacLaine’s book “Out On A Limb” when I was a kid and there was a scene with this channel who said that life was like an upward moving spiral. We were always moving upward and forward even if it did not seem or feel like it. I never forgot that scene.

    In my own life, I have noticed that there is always room for growth and improvement which I think is wonderful. Nothing lasts forever and that makes going through bumpy times a whole lot easier.

    Hope all is well!

  16. mommymystic permalink*
    December 10, 2009 9:20 pm

    Glad this is resonating with some of you…sorry to be so slow responding to comments, we are having some issues with our connection….

    Lance – I think your point about wandering is a very important one…sometimes when we feel lost it is a sign that we need to take hold of ourselves and our path more assertively, that we are letting ourselves just get battered about by the winds…but often it’s exactly the opposite – the lost feeling is really just a precursor to our beliefs shifting and maturing, and a reaction to opening ourselves up to new modes of thinking. So we’re not really lost, just in transition.

    Hathor – Yes, it’s really this constant process of kicking things up and settling again, and you just have to learn to love the ride. If you try and keep things settled, you just become fixed and closed, so after a certain point that’s really not an option, no matter how much some part of your ego may want that for a time!

    EastKentuckyGal – Thanks for reading, and for commenting, I hope you do more of it, as I love to hear from people. And yes, what you said about the ups and downs of kundalini yoga practice is very common as you know. It does even out over time – or rather, I think what really happens, is that we learn to handle the shifts in a smoother fashion, and learn to ‘diagnose’ what we need at any given time (i.e. more grounding, more compassion, more exercise, more time alone, more time with people – it’s different every time, in my experience). That is why I like to look at the chakras as archetypes in a way, for different life energies, because then it is easy to think in terms of what might be underactivated, and what might be overactivated, in any given phase, and approach it that way. And thanks for reminding me of Joel Goldsmith, I read his Art of Meditation years ago, and have not read anything since, perhaps it’s time to revisit his work.

    Nadia – I agree, life is a series of transits. And I think once we just accept that, instead of thinking there is somewhere we are trying to ‘get’ in life, some perfect ‘scenario’ we are trying to set up, some of the resistance drops away and we can enjoy the process more. As I mentioned to Mon, I think the kind of models and tools I mentioned in the post are really each just frameworks for helping us experience life as a series of transits in a more joyful, smooth way. Unfortunately, I have to admit I’m not as optimistic as Shirley Maclaine in terms of thinking everyone is always moving upward and forward – I do think it’s possible to just be completely stuck for years (or lifetimes!), and to move backwards. But I guess in the bigger picture it all contributes to moving forward, once we bottom out and start moving forward again.

  17. December 11, 2009 7:56 pm

    Hi Lisa

    I like your phrase ‘fluid fields of energy’ and also this one — fluid molecules in constant thermal motion. Some of my molecules have been acting up lately. I’ve been experiencing the sensation of tiny cactus needles burning my underarms and upper sides. You’re so intuitive I thought you might have an idea what’s going on, especially since it’s in the area of the heart chakra. The doctor put me on meds for shingles, which hasn’t helped a bit. My shirts hurt!

    You said in your reply to Akemi that everyone you know seems to be transiting. You talked about psychological shifts, but I’m curious about physical manifestations like the one I’m experiencing. Any ideas from you or your readers would be appreciated.

  18. mommymystic permalink*
    December 11, 2009 11:09 pm

    Brenda – so sorry to hear about this! I definitely hope it is NOT Shingles, I had that years ago and would not wish it on anyone. Since you’ve already been to a doctor I’ll skip my disclaimer regarding my advice not being a replacement for medical advice:-) And since I know you are well linked into various blogs and writings on healing, including energy healing, I’ll skip the disclaimer about how there are many different healing modalities and you should let your intuition guide you to which ones to explore, as I’m sure you’ve done that too. I WILL just add the disclaimer that seeing on something like this, without knowing more about the circumstances of your life and path right now, is tough (and if you want to dialogue more on it, please feel free to email me, just click through from one of my comments on your blog…)
    OK, now that all that is out of the way. Kundalini/energetic shifts do often have physical side effects that accompany them. And yes, the heart chakra rules that part of the body, as well as the lymphatic system, which has many glands under the arms. This kind of thing that you are describing would sometimes be attributed to overactivated, as opposed to underactivated, energy in that area. So to the extent that you have been working on opening your heart, whether explicitly through energy practices or just in general in your life, the issue could just be a temporary side effect of some kind of adjustment being made in your system to this opening. In this case, focusing on protecting yourself energetically for awhile (navel chakra) might help balance things out. I have a navel chakra meditation on the guided meditation page, or you can just hold your hands over that area and do some deep belly breathing for starters.
    Along with this, grounding yourself with lots of earth-type domestic activities (planting, I guess indoors this time of year), cooking w/ fresh vegetables, especially root vegetables – anything that connects you with the earth, might also help because these kinds of things can also be attributed to being ungrounded, i.e. too much kundalini running amok in your energy system, without a strong foundation.
    I know that’s pretty general, but perhaps it will trigger some of your own intuitions on the matter. I assume your doctor has checked for thyroid and hormonal issues, as both can trigger skin issues? (Although it’s hard to say from your description whether this is at root a skin or a nerve issue.) And both thyroid and hormonal shifts often accompany big life transits and/or energy surges due to kundalini development….

  19. ruth permalink
    December 12, 2009 3:19 am

    Hello Lisa 🙂
    Very timely I read this today as it’s just what I have been thinking about and what I wrote about a little somewhere else.
    And I read this (below) in a daily om email I get to add more, or just talk about what you have already said in a different way – it never ends, or you’re never done.

    What a great post, so much to reflect on here – thank you.

    From your post I was also drawn to researching kundalini a bit more, and found this on utube that you might like:

    Ok, it has inspired me to go off for a wee stroll with the tangerine coloured stone and mindfulness of kundalini.

    ———————–

    Often, we expect ourselves to recover quickly from difficult or painful circumstances. When we do not or cannot, we may feel emotionally inept or hopeless. The evolution of the soul, however, is an ongoing process that can take many lifetimes. It is a matter of accepting that even when we do our best there are going to be situations, people, and outcomes that we cannot control. It is also important to remember that your experiences now may be setting the groundwork for future healing—whether in this lifetime or the next one. The more you release in each time, the more you grow and the more your soul will evolve.

    Although it is not always possible to work through all of our issues in a single lifetime, it is important that we confront what we are called to face in this life and do the work we need to do. It is also important to remember that the most effective way to let your soul grow is to be an active participant in life. Be present in each moment and your soul will do this work for you.

  20. December 13, 2009 6:39 pm

    This is such a wonderful post (found on Mermaid’s list) There is so much information and much for me to read and study. I will return. But thank you for this post.

  21. mommymystic permalink*
    December 14, 2009 5:49 pm

    Ruth – I’m glad you liked it, and I love Daily Om also (well, most of them anyway.) This one reminded me that I forgot one type of transit that comes up alot in traditions that teach reincarnation or rebirth – past life cycling. There’s a type of transit that is considered a pulling back of past-life awareness and/or gifts. We tend to think that we are just born with our awareness in tact from ‘where we left off’, but most traditions don’t teach that. Different karmas, and therefore different states of awareness and gifts, may be dominant in any particular lifetime, and our actions and particularly our spiritual path will trigger others at different times. So in the kundalini traditions particularly, there is this idea that the raising of kundalini and meditation on the chakras (which are karma ‘data storage houses’ in a way, from an energy perspective) will trigger the cycling of new past life states and gifts.

    Ernestine – Glad you liked it, hope to see you back.

  22. December 14, 2009 7:03 pm

    I’d want to highlight action. How does a person behave, what sort of work do they do? I’ve known people who talk a lot about spirituality and don’t appear to live it, people who both talk about it and live it, and people who do little talking but walk the walk.

  23. December 15, 2009 1:29 am

    Hi Lisa,

    Great article; very informative.

    You’re probably right in that we’re never done. Perhaps it’s like a series of gateless gates. But we can get to place of inner peace where awakening works on its own, with effort from “me”. This can be the flow of awakening. And in this place there is no hurry and no expectation, just a natural unfolding.

    Thanks!

    k

  24. December 15, 2009 5:27 am

    I meant to say: awakening works on its own, without effort from “me.”

  25. mommymystic permalink*
    December 15, 2009 7:01 pm

    Hi Kaushik, yes I figured that, and I that is a lovely way of putting it. Once we are to a point where we can ‘get out of the way’ there is a natural flow to the process, less of a sense of struggle. I put that ‘never done’ thing in the post because I think we are so prone to thinking in terms of an end-goal or achievement, particularly in the West, and that sometimes bleeds over into spiritual-talk. It’s tough, because we can’t really write about spirituality (and like you, I choke a little on that word) without using word like awakening or enlightenment or at the very least inner peace. Otherwise, what is motivation? And yet, those very words imply some sort of fixed, finished state that we eventually reach. So it’s a paradox. Sometimes I wish I were a poet, as that is the only real way to express the inexpressible…

    Paul – I agree, and I know you and I have discoursed a bit on this before. I think action, daily life, is where the processing of a spiritual ‘experience’ actually takes place. And it’s where things can get tricky, as the ego likes to take hold of the experience and ‘own it’ as special, or unique, or to validate its own transcendence. So then the insights we realize get morphed into support for a ‘spiritual ego’ instead of a tool for letting go….

  26. Durga permalink
    December 15, 2009 7:22 pm

    Lisa,

    I agree that it is beneficial to move out of the linear thinking of the West, and at least try to embrace the more circular logic and reasoning of Eastern philosophies.

    Sort of like a spiral…the movement is circular but you don’t end up in the exact place that you started.

    I agree with you on Western achievement orientation, but I don’t think that having goals or growing necessarily fosters ego-binding. I think our changes transcend this physical life anyway, growth doesn’t seem to stop for spirits (or what would be the point)?

    Finally…on your poetry comment: I dare you – there isn’t anything stopping you, is there?

    Namaste 🙂

  27. December 16, 2009 12:38 am

    I agree that the Winter Solstice brings about the most confusion and clarity for me. I’ve come face to face with one of my deepest wounds, issues around abandonment from my mom, and now my SO who I used unconsciously to replace her and fill me. Being a father, husband, son, friends, and general citizen of society, there is no way he can give me the unique attention excatly where and when I want him to. I’ve taken it personally and felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was deficient in some way.

    This hit hard when N was born 4 years ago, and it’s coming up again, maybe because of the darkness, maybe because I am more able to be with these feelings. I don’t think it is any accident that all this is coming up again right around the time of Dec 21.

    This is my path to understanding more about true self and wholeness. As paindful as it has been, I know there is no other way for me to learn more about love.

  28. December 16, 2009 7:07 am

    I appear to be in constant shifts ever since I decided to look into myself. While I do not completely understand what my shifts fall under, it is enough for me to conclude that I must be evolving because I’ve been experiencing more peace, love and joy. Still, it is great to read about the various categories that you have shared about in this post.

    I don’t use to look forward to the Solstice/Christmas/New Year season. However, this year, I note that I am less in resistance. Beauty shows up in many areas.

    You are giving yourself the greatest gift of all during this period – the space to “process the power and light available”. May you gain in wisdom, love and wellness!

    Take care,
    Evelyn

  29. December 21, 2009 3:05 am

    Thanks, Lisa. In many ways I feel like a child reading your blog. There is so much that resonates with me, that sounds familiar and exciting, but I am also bowled over to see it articulated so well and clearly. I realize there is so much spiritual knowledge that I have yet to fully integrate and embody. The result is that I always read your blog but rarely comment. I am still in the absorbing (and not yet articulating) stage.

    But… in this post, there was one thing that stuck out for me, when you said “you are being energetically rewired” … This might be different than what you meant, but I wanted to share about the rewiring I feel in my brain/emotional self. I can see how, through my meditation practice and other awareness practices, my brain (and thus my emotional life) are being transformed. I can literally feel how I see things differently than I used to, and that I have many more options of how to respond than I did before. This has been amazing for me, because before this clarity, I was in a very dark time and had a lot of difficulty trusting that anything was “really happening” (in fact, I felt in much greater pain than I had before I began any mindfulness practices).

    Having come out on the other side, I feel deeply grateful to have had so much awareness through this transition so that I might have a greater ability to midwife myself through the next one. Hey! I think I’ll just take a moment to thank myself for midwifing myself through the last one, too! 🙂

    Reading your post and writing this comment makes me realize that I’ve had many major shifts in my adult life, and though I’ve known of them, I’ve never taken the time to really recognize them or what might have been transforming in me and on what level(s). This is where a deep sense of grief comes up for me. I so long for a culture that supports and acknowledges my spirit, though I can feel how I am also getting closer to that, too. Your blog and your writing helps. 🙂

    Eeek. Okay, maybe this is why I never comment. This is so long!!

    Blessings,
    Stacy

  30. mommymystic permalink*
    December 21, 2009 3:28 am

    Stacy, well I’m glad you decided to comment on this one, it was worth it! ‘Midwifing’ is the perfect term, we midwife ourselves, I think. And I do know what you mean about the grief over not being in a culture where some of this is more available to us. Hopefully we are changing that for our children. In terms of ‘spiritual knowledge’, you know, really I don’t think any of this kind of knowledge is necessary. It is just my thing. I am very theoretical/analytical, and like to organize/compare/contrast different spiritual systems and processes. It is just how I am wired! I could not write what you write, I am frequently blown away by how you get to the heart of dynamics between yourself and your kids, or between them. I just thought I should say that, as I hope i never come off as presenting this kind of philosophical/theoretical knowledge as awakening…because I do recognize that process is a totally different thing….

  31. December 21, 2009 5:35 am

    Hi Lisa

    Mama-Om’s comment in my inbox reminded me that I’ve been meaning to come back here and thank you for the lengthy response to my health question. You can do things with language that few people I know can. I was glad to see the level of self-understanding you shared in your reply to Stacy. If you weren’t a gifted surgeon in a former life, I think you may be one in a future incarnation, or maybe you are teaching one of your children now how to think with a surgeon’s precision. For some reason I always think of a surgeon when I think of you or read you.

    I loved considering this possibility while my shirts hurt me. “This kind of thing that you are describing would sometimes be attributed to overactivated, as opposed to underactivated, energy in that [heart] area.” My ailment cropped up shortly after a week spent with my family during Thanksgiving. I was so filled with love when they left that I think it might have thrown my system into shock! I am fine now.

    Peace and Joy, Mommy!

  32. mommymystic permalink*
    December 21, 2009 3:38 pm

    Thanks Brenda. So glad you are overwhelmed with feelings of love when your family is around – not everyone is so fortunate!

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