Four Paths to Freedom – Which Is Your Root Path?

For the next post in my mystic spirituality series (which I have to warn you I may meander through with lots of tangents, because I am after all a Pisces and just can’t help myself) I wanted to cover the four types of spiritual paths, which correspond to four types of mystic experiences. I don’t usually like categorizing much, but I find this particular classification system useful for:

1) understanding the religious and spiritual traditions of the world

2) understanding the different routes to ’spiritual’ experiences, and

3) understanding your own spiritual proclivities

These four categories are based on ancient Hindu texts such as the Vedas and Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, but I first came across them in the biography of Vivekananda, one of the formost disciples of Sri Ramakrishna, and the first Indian ‘Swami’ to travel to Europe and the U.S. (he did this before Yogananda, founder of the Self-Realization Fellowship.)

In Vivekananda’s writings, he labels each path as a different type of yoga, or path to ‘union’ (which is what the word yoga means.) The root of any experience that we label as ’spiritual’ or ‘mystic’ is a dissolution of boundaries, and therefore rooted in a sense of union with forces or a power larger than ourselves. Of course dividing life into ’spiritual’ and ‘non-spiritual’ moments presents big problems, but for the sake of this post, let’s just not get worked up about that – I think we can all acknowledge that we have certain moments or experiences of opening that help define our spiritual lives. Personally I prefer the word ‘freedom’ to ‘union’ – as in, freedom from the forces that usually keep us tied down or separated. So I call this Four Paths to Freedom, but you can call it whatever you want!

Think about what you gravitate to the most as you read this. What has preceded your defining moments? What dissolves you? Which of these traditions have you gravitated to the most? Each path is traditionally associated with certain risks, which I have listed, so think also about whether you have ever been (or currently are) caught in any of these traps? Let me know in the comments!

Paths of Inquiry (Jnani Yoga)

These paths revolve around direct inquiry into the nature of reality, mind, personal identity, and God/source. While these start as intellectual exercises, the practices are meant to move you beyond intellect, dissolving subject and object and all the dualities of mind that cause us to believe we are separate from God/source/each other.

Motto: To Know (or even better, To Know the Knower)

Seeking: Truth

Tradition Examples: Zen (all of Buddhism to some extent, but Zen in particular), Taoism, Vedanta, Hasidic Kabbalah (in terms of Talmudic study), Eckhart Tolle, Jungian-based symbolic psyche systems, the Enneagram

Risks of these paths: Getting trapped in the mind. Analysis paralysis. Mistaking intellectual understanding for wisdom, or self-awareness for realization.

Antidote: Surrender. Your intellect is your tool on this path, not who you are. It can bring you to the brink, and then you have to let go.

Paths of Devotion (Bhakti Yoga)

These paths revolve around devotion to an external representation of God, source, or love. Usually, this is devotion to a teacher, deity or other person meant to represent the liberated state. While initially these generate feelings of love for the object of worship, the idea is to collapse into the love itself, recognizing yourself as a pure expression of love, not an individual feeling love.

Motto: To Love (or even better, To Become Love)

Seeking: Connection

Tradition Examples: Christianity (through devotion to Christ), Tantric/Vajrayana Buddhism (through mandala, deity, or guru identification), Sufism, ritualized Hinduism (deity devotion), Guru yoga

Risks of these paths: Getting trapped in external devotion. Never recognizing the same source inside yourself. Getting addicted to the ‘feelings’ of love or bliss that devotion can trigger, without taking the next step into becoming love. Sentimentality. Self-righteousness – when emotion becomes the sole psychological driver.

Antidote: Discrimination – as in the mental ability to take a knife to your ego, discriminate between the various forces at work there, and surgically dissect your emotional addictions (which can be considered a kind of jnani yoga – inquiry and devotion work together.) If you stay trapped in worship for the emotional ‘high’, your ‘object’ of worship has to remain external to yourself. Give up temporarily feeling good to be free.

Paths of Service (Karma Yoga)

These paths revolve around service to others, as a means to overcoming the ego’s self-interest. The goal is to live in selflessness, through service to others, in order to overcome all egoic attachments and thought patterns. Dissolution occurs through recognizing everyone (and yourself) as expressions of the same source. Service to others is service to self  – there is no separation.

Motto: To Serve (or even better, To Serve as Source)

Seeking: Selflessness

Tradition Examples: Christianity (think Mother Teresa), Judaism (in the principle of tikkun, or making the world ‘whole’ through compassionate action), Bodhisattva practice in Mahayana Buddhism (which includes Zen and Tibetan Buddhism, but some lineages stress service in action more than others, and fit better here), karma yoga monasteries like that established by Vivekananda himself (one of Gandhi’s inspirations)

Risks of these paths: Attachment to outcome – judging results instead of focusing on your inner relationship to service. Also, martyrdom or ’service ego’ – attachment to others viewing you as a ‘good person’, which masks underlying insecurities. And finally, compassion fatigue – a shutting down due to sacrificing your own needs beyond a level that is sustainable long term.

Antidote: Solitude. Meditation. Pulling inward instead of going outward for a time, to reconnect to your source and recognize your true drives.

Paths of the Unseen (raja yoga)

Raja actually means ‘king’, and these paths are so called because they combine aspects of all the other paths, plus add in occult and energy studies. The idea is to study the unseen forces in our world – the patterns of energy and laws of existence that determine what we experience and how the world evolves. Or put another way, the laws of creation. Dissolution comes through the recognition that we ourselves create the world, as opposed to the focus being on an external ‘creator’. Any act of creation – from the creative arts to healing (which is a kind of re-creation) to magic and manifestation – can be a practice on this path.

Motto: To Create (or To Become Creation)

Seeking: Power  – as in the power to Create/Manifest

Tradition Examples: Tantric/Vajrayana Buddhism, mystic Kabbalah, kundalini yoga, siddha yogic paths, Religious Science/New Thought Christianity, energy healing traditions practiced as part of a spiritual path, Evolutionary astrology, any occult or energy-based tradition (magick, divination, healing, even martial arts) that is practiced as part of a spiritual journey

Risks of these paths: Arrogance. Attachment to using power as an individual, to fulfill your own ego desires, instead of as a means for experiencing yourself as a conduit for creation. Also, disassociation – too much time in the ‘unseen’ can leave you emotionally disconnected from ‘real life’.

Antidote: Compassion, and service (the raja and karma paths can work to balance each other just as the bhakti and jnani can.) Focusing on your connection to others is the best way to keep yourself connected and balanced.

Many people label only devotional or occult paths as ‘mystic’, but as I said in my Are You a Mystic? post, I use it much more broadly. As for my own tendencies, in my life I have most definitely focused the most on the Paths of the Unseen, with a strong draw to Paths of Inquiry too. But interestingly, the main focus of my last few years – parenting – is a combination of the other two Paths, Devotion and Service. So I’ve been pulled to explore other aspects of myself – and spirituality – through that.

So what’s your tendency? What paths (formally or informally) have you been drawn to? What do you most seek – Truth, Connection, Selflessness or the Power to Create? What traps have you encountered? I’m interested to know…

And if you like, please:

Book List: Introducing Young Children to World Religions

This book list is a counterpart to my last post, Spiritual Books for Young Children. Read that post for more info on how these lists came about. Both lists are part of my ‘give a book month’ effort – check the posts on the right for some great adult spiritual gift book options.

This list is of books for introducing children ages 3-9 to religions other than their own. Many of these books are also good for teaching children about their own religions, but that was not the main criteria for the list. I have focused here on selecting two books for each of the five major world religions, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism and Christianity. There are a few honorable mentions related to other traditions, or geared for older kids, thrown in at the end.

This list is of course entirely subjective! There are a lot of children’s books out there for some of these religions, so I really tried to focus on those that entertained my own daughter the most. Feel free to add your own recommendations in the comments section.

Buddhism
Becoming Buddha: The Story of Siddhartha, by Whitney Stewart – This is an introduction to the main themes of Buddhism through a telling of the Buddha’s life story. One of the few Buddhist offerings geared for children this young, the interesting artwork and fascinating story held my daughter’s interest.

Peaceful Piggy Meditation, by Kerry Lee Maclean – One of my favorites, this book presents meditation as a tool kids can use to help them deal with the difficult everyday situations they most often confront – getting teased by their siblings, falling down at school, or served a dinner they can’t stand.

Hinduism
Lighting a Lamp: A Diwali Story, by Jonny Zucker – Geared for the younger end of my target age range, this book introduces the Hindu festival of Diwali by walking through one family’s celebration of the day. It is part of the Festival Time series, a collection of books introducing holidays from all the major religions.

The Little Book of Hindu Deities: From the Goddess of Wealth to the Sacred Cow, by Sanjay Patel – This is actually not a children’s book, but came highly recommended, and my daughter loves it. The author is an animator with Pixar Studios, and has drawn hip, colorful drawings of all the major Hindu deities, along with brief descriptions. An entertaining way for anyone of any age to learn about the Hindu pantheon.

Islam
Ramadan, by Suhaib Hamid Ghazi – This book follows a young boy named Hakeem through the major rituals of Ramadan, including fasting, praying and visits to the mosque. Although a bit heavy on text for my four-year old daughter, her slightly older friend loved it, and it won out over others about Ramadan because of its exquisite illustrations.

Salaam: A Muslim American Boy’s Story, by Tricia Brown – A profile of a real-life American Muslim boy and his family, depicted through simple text and photographs. This book introduces the five pillars of Islam, and cultural aspects of Islam such as hijab (women’s headscarves) in an accessible way, as well as broaching the difficult topic of religious intolerance. My daughter was especially fascinated by the photographs, and flipped through the book again and again.

Judaism
What Makes Someone a Jew? by Lauren Seidman – With rhyming text and color photographs, this book introduces children to the diversity of Jews around the world. Focused on the basic shared tenets of loving and kindness, this book focuses more on a sense of inclusiveness than religious theology, but presents a powerful multi-cultural image of modern Judaism.

Beni’s Family Treasury for the Jewish Holidays, by Jane Breskin Zalben – For a more informative yet entertaining introduction to Judaism’s tenets, try this collection of five stories about bear Beni and his family’s trials and tribulations while celebrating various Jewish holidays. These tales combine educational information and good storytelling in a way rare for children’s religious books, and left my young listener clamoring for more.

Christianity
As it turns out, finding books to introduce Christianity from a non-Christian perspective was the biggest challenge I faced in compiling this list. In the end, I let the entertainment  factor take precedence and selected picturesque books that introduce the two most well-known Christian religious holidays, Christmas and Easter. Check the Honorable Mentions list below for some other Christianity ideas.

Humphrey’s First Christmas, by Carol Heyer – This adorable version of the nativity story is told from the perspective of Humphrey, a grumpy camel witnessing the event. As Humphrey begins to appreciate the value of what he is involved in, he puts his own complaints aside and learns the true meaning of Christmas – selfless giving and love. Humphrey was a hit, with me and my daughter.

The Easter Story, by Brian Wildsmith – The story of Easter is not an easy one to relay to children, with betrayal, suffering and death all prominently featured. This beautifully illustrated version does it justice, focusing on the deeper meaning of each event without glossing over the details too much. Like in the prior book, an animal features prominently, this time the donkey Jesus rides into Jerusalem.

Honorable Mentions
These were books I liked, but that were either geared for slightly older children, or dealt with religions other than the ones covered above.

One World, Many Religions: The Ways We Worship, by Mary Pope Osborne – Survey of all the world’s religions from children’s perspectives, geared for 9-12 year olds.

Religion (DK Eyewitness Series), by Myrtle Langley – Another survey book for 9-12 year olds, from the well-known education series DK Eyewitness.

Meet Jesus: The Life and Lessons of a Beloved Teacher, by Lynn Tuttle Gurney – Accessible and universalist telling of Jesus’ life story, appropriate for liberal Christians and non-Christians.

Aisha’s Moonlit Walk, by Anika Stafford – Introduction to pagan holidays and celebrations throughout the year.

Zen Shorts, by Jon Muth – Introduction to Zen principles by a giant panda, targeted to children 9-12, but the pictures pulled my four-year old in as well.

The Elephant Prince: The Story of Ganesh, by Amy Novesky – Beautifully illustrated tale of Ganesh, Hindu deity.

Book Review: Deepak Chopra’s Jesus – Christianity as a Path to Enlightenment

I have to admit, Deepak Chopra had me at the subtitle of his novel Jesus, officially out today. The subtitle is ‘A Story of Enlightenment’ – the same subtitle he used for his novel of the Buddha’s life, released last year. Since my entire approach to spirituality is cross-denominational, and I believe the mystic branches of all the world religions are paths to spiritual enlightenment, I was predisposed to like Chopra’s version of the lost years of Jesus’ life. And in his preface Chopra is very straightforward about his purpose in writing this book, saying “[there is] a Jesus left out of the New Testament – the enlightened Jesus. His absence, in my view, has profoundly crippled the Christian faith, for…making [Jesus] the one and only Son of God leaves the rest of humankind stranded…What if Jesus wanted his followers – and us – to reach the same unity with God that he had reached?”

‘Crippled’ is a strong word, and this book will undoubtedly anger many. Yet Chopra’s Jesus maintains the divinity at the heart of mainstream Christianity – he is not just some average Joe who happens upon God. Nor is he simply a spiritual teacher or ‘guru’, as other Eastern teachers have characterized him. From a young age others recognize a special quality in Chopra’s Jesus, and this separates him in a way that both fuels and challenges his spiritual faith. The novel mostly covers the years of Jesus’ life left out of the Bible – the years in which he transforms from a serious and insightful young man into the son of God – and throughout that period he is surrounded by signs of his future divinity.

Jesus himself is not comfortable with these signs, but they draw others to him. The early part of Jesus’ spiritual journey is dominated by his relationships with Mary Magdelene and Judas – both of whom of course feature prominently in the later part of his life, as told in the New Testament. Chopra’s earlier versions of these figures each have delusions about Jesus, and want to possess him for their own purposes. Judas wants to use Jesus to inspire his own band of Jewish followers in their rebel fight against the Romans, and Mary wants him for personal love and fulfillment. Jesus struggles to understand what each wants from him, and is tempted by what they have to offer. It is through them that he comes to understand the human condition, and the forces – both external and internal – that prevent many from pursuing a deeper relationship with God.

Ultimately, Jesus comes to see the spiritual power in ego surrender, telling Judas “We’ve both struggled to be first…Now we’ve been shown the way out…How can we discover God’s will unless we give up our own?” Soon after, Jesus leaves his early companions, and ventures to the Essenes, a mystic Jewish religious community now believed by many to have authored the Dead Sea Scrolls. Jesus stays with the Essenes for five years, revered by them as the Jewish Messiah. But ultimately Jesus disappoints them also, as he will not conform to their view of him. He insists that God wishes to save all, not just the Jews, and tells the Essenes “All you’ve ever wanted from me is to save the Jews. The Jews cannot be saved as long as the world is what it is. We need a new world, nothing less.”

After leaving the Essenes, Jesus travels to a mysterious holy man in distant mountains, also the story’s narrator. Although the teacher is left unnamed, he clearly calls to mind classic Himalayan spiritual masters and hermits, and it is here that the path of Chopra’s Jesus most closely resembles that of his Buddha. Both struggle with their concepts of good and evil, and both are tempted by demons with promises of greatness. They both come to understand they must abandon all concepts and personal identity to truly allow God to work through them. As Jesus’ mysterious teacher tells him, “Only someone who can see the demons as part of God is free. Good and evil dissolve. The veil drops away, and all you see is divine light – inside, outside, everywhere…Your soul is the world’s soul. In your resurrection will be the resurection of the world.”

Jesus’ awakening is powerfully told, and the new Jesus returns to his homeland as an agent of enlightenment. Encountering Judas and Mary once again, he transmits a grace that literally wipes away their past. Or, as Mary puts it when asked ‘what has he done to me’ by others who receive Jesus’ grace, “He killed who you were, so that who you are can be reborn.”

Chopra’s Jesus is not a perfect book. Scenes change rapidly, and many conversations seem stunted in a way that occasionally left me disoriented. But it conveys a profound message in an accessible and passionate voice (something I can’t always say about Chopra’s nonfiction.) If you are interested in considering a new vision of Christianity, and of all religions, give it a read, and consider reading Buddha as well.

You can purchase this book on Amazon, or for more book reviews, go to the Books page. To learn more about Deepak Chopra, try the Heroes of Healing site, an online directory of contemporary spiritual teachers, healers, and authors.

Book List: Introduction to the World’s Spiritual Traditions

Since I try and pull from all the world’s spiritual traditions in my own teaching, over the years I have compiled a book list of my favorite introductory and classic texts within each of the major traditions. This list is of course entirely subjective! I welcome other suggestions or feedback on these books in the comments section.

Tibetan Buddhism
Introductory:

• Awakening the Buddha Within: Tibetan Wisdom for the Western World, Lama Surya Das
• A Journey in Ladakh: Encounters with Buddhism, Andrew Harvey
• The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, Sogyal Rinpoche

Classics:

• Buddhist Masters of Enchantment, Keith Dowman & Robert Beer
• Tibet’s Great Yogi Milarepa, W.Y. Evans-Wentz
• The Tibetan Book of the Dead, W.Y. Evans-Wentz

Zen Buddhism
Introductory:

• Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, Shunryu Suzuki

Classics:

• Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, Paul Reps and Nyogen Senzaki
• The Bodhidharma Anthology, Jeffrey Broughton

Hinduism
Introductory:

• Autobiography of a Yogi, Paramahansa Yogananda
• Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna : Abridged Edition, Swami Nikhilananda
• The Eternal Companion, Swami Prabhavananda

Classics:

• The Song of God: Bhagavad-Gita, Swami Prabhavananda & Christopher Isherwood
• How to Know God, Swami Prabhavananda & Christopher Isherwood

Vedanta
Introductory:

• Just Like You, Gangaji

Classics:

• Shankara’s Crest Jewel of Discrimination, Swami Prabhavananda & Christopher Isherwood
• The Spiritual Teachings of Ramana Maharshi, Ramanah Maharshi

Taoism
Introductory:

• Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life – Living the Wisdom of the Tao, Wayne Dyer

Classics:

• Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu
• I Ching or Book of Changes, C.F. Baynes, R. Wilhelm

Christianity (the emphasis here is on the practice of Christianity as a spiritual path, not religious theology)
Introductory:

• Return to Love, Marrianne Williamson
• Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsch

Classics:

• The Gnostic Gospels, Elaine Pagels
• Beyond Belief, Elaine Pagels

Kabbalah
Introductory:

• Simple Kabbalah, Kim Zetter
• The Practical Kabbalah Guidebook, C. J. M. Hopking

Classics:

• Zohar: The Book of Enlightenment, Daniel Chanan Matt

Sufism
Introductory:

• Essential Sufism, Huston Smith, Robert Frager, and James Fadiman

Classics:

• Feeling the Shoulder of the Lion: Poetry and Teaching Stories of Rumi, Jelaluddin Rumi

For more book lists and book reviews, go to the Book category.

Spirituality and Motherhood: The Challenges

This post proved to be a lot harder to write than its predecessor, Spirituality and Motherhood: The Benefits. That’s because I didn’t want it to come off like a long list of complaints about motherhood. On the other hand, I believe the foundation for any spiritual growth is honesty, so it’s important to acknowledge, and address, the challenges motherhood poses for those really trying to develop spiritually. It’s not an accident that most of the world’s acknowledged saints and mystics (both men and women) have lived secluded in monasteries (although I have tried to highlight some that didn’t in my 5 Religions, 5 Women Mystics series.)

So, here’s the list of challenges my friends and I came up with, along with some suggestions for dealing with them:

No Time: If you read almost any spiritual book, it will advise you to take ‘time out’ for yourself, create a ’sacred space’, and develop a regular spiritual practice of devotions or meditations. What? What mom really has time for that?? Personally, I am a devoted meditator, and even teach meditation, but I started long before my kids were born, so it has been easier for me to adapt my practice. But it is especially challenging, and often unrealistic, for many moms to start a new meditation or devotional routine while they are in the midst of the busy child-rearing years. And thinking they should often causes them to abandon their spirituality altogether until their kids are grown. What can be helpful instead is to rethink what spirituality, and spiritual practice is. True spiritual insight requires powerful moments, not time. So focus instead on turning your attention to spiritual themes for just a few moments at key points throughout your day. This might be by focusing on some of the themes from The Benefits list, or it might involve some Shifting exercises. Remember that you can experience the sacred in any activity!

No Energy: This is a different, and even more insidious, problem than having no time. Children can be so emotionally draining that when you do have a moment to yourself, all you want to do is vegetate. Shifting your mind towards spiritual themes, even for a few moments, seems all but impossible. My friends and I had three different responses to this: 1) Exercise (which boosts your energy level overall) - especially yoga videos; 2) Some transition shifting activity like reading a spiritual book; and 3) (For myself) chakra meditation, which I think has an especially beneficial effect in terms of helping a woman regather her dispersed maternal energy (here’s a brief beginner intro to chakra meditation.)

Guilt: Modern motherhood is plagued with too many competing theories and too much advice, along with a slew of people (most of whom are promoting books) trying to make you feel that unless you do exactly what they say you will end up with sickly, insecure, and stupid children that will never be able to achieve happiness or support themselves. Give yourself a break! Guilt is a particularly draining emotion, a form of self-punishment really, in which you endlessly second-guess and berate yourself, instead of focusing on the present and what you can control or even improve. When you start to indulge in guilt, ask yourself, is there something I can learn here? Contemplate it for a minute, and then move on.

Anxiety: Even normally calm and strong women often find themselves plagued by anxiety when they become mothers. But, as Harriet Lerner points out in her book The Mother Dance, the things you most fear almost never happen, and the things you never considered, do. Bottom line – you aren’t ever going to be in complete control, so let go. This actually can be one of the great lessons of motherhood, because spirituality is also about letting go, and trusting there is a larger force at work. One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Gangaji, was once asked, ‘what is spiritual maturity?’ to which she instantly responded ‘letting go’.

Momnesia: In her book The Female Brain, Louann Brizendine outlines some of the changes that take place in a women’s brain when she becomes a mother. One is the often-joked about ‘momnesia’ in which new mothers, and even established ones, feel like they lose their memory. However, there is also evidence that our awareness becomes more ‘dispersed’ as we raise our children – on the one hand, we are able to track three children at the playground without really thinking about it, but, on the other, we feel like our concentration is shot. Since many spiritual practices, such as meditation and devotions, rely on some level of focus, this can be disheartening. The key is to use those brain muscles regularly – make sure you have some intellectual stimulation in your life, whether it’s reading non-fiction or doing crossword puzzles on the toilet, to keep the ‘focus’ parts of your brain active.

Martyrdom: In her controversial book Perfect Madness, Judith Warner discusses the way certain parenting theories, particularly attachment parenting in its strictest form, has created a culture of almost competitive self-sacrifice among some mothers, with many all but giving up any right to their own needs in the name of ‘perfect’ mothering. Selfless service is a big part of many spiritual traditions, and so this kind of motherhood would seem to fit right in, but the problem is that the ego loves martyrdom. Our egos love to feel the sense of moral righteousness that often goes along with prolonged self-sacrifice. And spiritual growth is about overcoming ego. So, whatever your parenting philosophy, make sure it hasn’t morphed into a source of martyrdom for yourself, and make sure your own needs are balanced with those of your children.

Over-Identification: The ego also revels in recognition and reward, and it’s easy to make the mistake of over-identifying yourself with your kids gifts and achievements. While most of us would deny being stage mothers, it’s all too easy for maternal pride to mutate into a kind of possessiveness, where we focus too much on our own kids success, and begin to use it as a kind of measuring stick for our own life. Remember, motherhood is a role, not who you are. Discovering who you really are, in the spiritual sense, requires a certain amount of healthy self-focus.

Tribalization: Motherhood offers a great opportunity to open our hearts and experience a deeper love, and this is the same goal of many religions (at least in theory.) But it is easy to let our natural maternal protectiveness actually close down our hearts, making us so focused on keeping our own kids safe, and advancing their interests, that we become less, rather than more, compassionate in our daily lives. I call this ‘tribalization’, as in ‘I’ll protect my tribe at any costs, be damned the rest of you.’ The key is to explore our maternal love as a doorway to a greater, universal love, one that deepens our compassion for strangers, rather than building new walls.

That’s all! I look forward to any comments you may have. The sister post to this one is Spirituality and Motherhood: The Benefits.

Other motherhood-related posts include:

Multitasking to Enlightenment (or Avoiding the Spiritual Mommy Track)

Toddler Aikido: What I Learned About Parenting from the Martial Arts

Mommy Devotion

Spirituality and Motherhood: The Benefits

I recently had a discussion with several friends about the spiritual pros and cons of motherhood (or parenthood really, although these were all women.) Specifically, we discussed how becoming a mother both boosts and challenges our religious faiths and spiritual practices. This was a pretty diverse group – three different Christian denominations, a Buddhist, an agnostic yoga-lover, and me, probably best described as ’spiritual but unaffiliated’ (at least that’s how official surveys like the Pew Forum on Religion seem to put people with transreligious beliefs like myself.)

So I decided to post the pros and cons (or if you prefer, the ‘benefits’ and ‘challenges’) in two posts this week. Here, in my words, are the spiritual pros/benefits we came up with:

Facing Our Past: We often have to look backwards to move forwards, and becoming a parent frequently triggers a reconsideration of our own childhoods, and the resulting psychological patterns. We have to really consider how we were parented, what we want to repeat with our own kids and what we want to discard, what values were instilled in us, and what values we want to pass on.

Building Self-Awareness and Overcoming Ego: Our children try our patience, challenge our authority, and generally bring us to the brink of sanity sometimes. What better way to discover and overcome all our egoic triggers and patterns? Doing so is the true definition of humility – the building block of all spiritual faiths.

Showing Us the Moment: Children, especially young ones, live completely in the moment. They marvel at a new flower, the colors in the sunset, the feeling of the wind. They can cry one minute, and laugh the next. They naturally appreciate and wonder at the world, in a way we adults are often too busy or caught up in our own worries to do. Our children can show us how to appreciate our world as it is, and thus how to create the potential for deeper spiritual moments in our lives too.

Building Our Endurance: Let’s face it, parenthood is often exhausting, but there are no days off and no comp days. You may have the flu, have been up for two straight days already with your kids’ bout of the flu, and feel ready to collapse, but your kids (now recovered) still need help with their homework, packed lunchboxes, some kind of breakfast, and maybe a hug or two when they fall down. So, you soldier on. The needs of our children bring out a level of self-sacrifice and endurance that few other things can do. And as long as this doesn’t mutate into martyrdom, it sows the seeds for true selfless, spiritual service.

Developing Compassion: When our children are hurting, physically or emotionally, it is like a knife through our hearts. The most self-absorbed of adults can’t help but be transformed by their own desire to protect their children from harm. And that often opens the door for a more compassionate worldview, one in which we can recognize other’s suffering more fully, instead of turning a blind eye.

Renewing Our Inspiration: Watching a child develop often feels like witnessing a miracle, and can reignite our faith in a higher power. How exactly do they learn to walk? How do their little brains sort through the myriad of things we point out to them each day, and learn to distinguish red from yellow, an apple from an orange? Or for that matter, how is it they seem to arrive with so much individual personality? For many of us, biology and genetics just doesn’t seem to account for the totality of it, and as we watch the process of creation in action, we begin to wonder anew at the power behind it all.

Opening Our Hearts: Many people say that the love they have for their children is the most unconditional love they feel in their lives. In this sense, our love for our children can be a doorway into the universal love spoken of by the greatest mystics of every world religion. The trick is in allowing our love to open our hearts more, as opposed to closing them down out of a sense of vulnerability or protectiveness.

The sister post to this one is Spirituality and Motherhood: The Challenges.

Other posts related to motherhood on this blog:

Book Review: The Shack – The Spiritual Lessons of Parenthood

If You Think You’re Enlightened, Have Kids

Margery Kempe: Medieval Christian Mother and Mystic

Meditation For Busy Women, Part I- Shifting

5 Religions, 5 Women Mystics: Margery Kempe – Medieval Christian Mother and Mystic

This post is one of a five-part series on women mystics, one from each of the five major world religions: Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism. Click here for the full series.

As soon as I decided to run this series, I knew I had to start with Margery Kempe (1373 – 1439). That’s because not only was Margery a mother – of fourteen children, no less – but also because in a sense her spiritual journey began with the birth of her first child. She was also a ‘working mom’, running a brewery, a common medieval home-based business, and dictating the first autobiography by a woman in English, which is how we know her today.

Soon after the birth of her first child, according to her own account, she went ‘mad’. Many contemporary historians believe she suffered a severe case of post-partum depression. After weeks of violent and self-destructive behavior, and at the urging of her family, her husband finally strapped her to her bed, out of fear she would harm herself or others. Then suddenly one evening, in a kind of half-sleep, she experienced a profound spiritual vision, in which Jesus came to her and said “Daughter, why hast thou forsaken Me, and I forsook never thee?” A profound peace descended upon her, and she returned to her senses. When she awoke, she calmly asked her husband to release her, which he did, in spite of others’ warnings that her seeming sanity could just be a satanic ruse. Fortunately, she remained calm and resumed her household duties, never suffering such madness again.

Her experience changed her life forever. Although she had never before been spiritual, now it was central to her life, and she strove to balance her responsibilities with her religious interests. This wasn’t easy, as many people considered her newfound faith an annoyance, and she was often told to give it a rest.  In addition, she was illiterate, and so had to gather her scriptural knowledge through others reading to her, and in conversations with whichever religious leaders would meet with her. She persevered, studying both scripture and the lives of other mystics in this way. She was particularly interested in other medieval women mystics, including Julian of Norwich (who she met with) and St. Bridget of Sweden (another mother mystic – although she had ‘only’ eight children.) In many ways, Margery’s autobiography is her attempt to make her own life and visions as signifigant as these other more famous women mystics of the period.

Although during her lifetime Margery never achieved the status or respect that Julian or St. Bridget did, she did gain many advocates – and enemies. With a quick tongue and no patience for hypocrisy, she did not hesitate to chastise local townsmen or even priests for their moral failings. Several of them attempted to try her as a heretic, but she always won her cases, based on the strength of her own witty defense, and the power of her continuing visions, which few were willing to deny.

After her fourteenth child, she convinced her husband (based on another vision) that chastity was in the best interest of both their spiritual lives, and embarked on a series of pilgrimages to visit sacred spots and saints throughout England and Europe. During these trips she began to experience her hallmark mystic state – intense bouts of crying over the Passion of Christ and the many lost souls she encountered. While this might sound extreme, or even unbalanced, it was the norm among medieval mystics, many of whom valued emotionally dramatic displays of their faith.

Margery’s pilgrimages and visions form the basis for most of her autobiography, although her family is woven in and out of the story, demonstrating her continuing attempts to balance her responsibilities with her mystic calling. She aids in the repent and conversion of one of her adult sons, and cares for her daughter-in-law after his untimely death. When her husband suffers a major injury, she halts her travels, returning to care for him for the remainder of his life. Today her autobiography is regarded as an important record of women’s lives and spirituality in medieval times.

For more info on Margery, check out these takes on her autobiography: The Book of Margery Kempe (Norton Critical Editions), by Lynn Staley, or Memoirs Of A Medieval Woman: The Life And Times Of Margery Kempe, by Louise Collis. You can also try this website: http://www.luminarium.org/medlit/margery.htm.

The other posts in this series are on Hannah Rachel Verbemacher (Jewish), Sukhasiddhi (Buddhist), Rabia Basri (Islamic), and Mirabai (Hindu). For books on more women mystics, check out the Women’s Spiritual Book List or the Women Mystics page.

Book Review: The Shack – The Spiritual Lessons of Parenthood

The Shack, in case you’ve been living in a cave this summer, is the runaway bestselling Christian novel by William P. Young that has the religious blogosphere overflowing with both beaming and scathing reviews. Amazon.com currently has 912 reviews of the book (and growing), mostly 5 stars and 1 stars from each end of the religious spectrum. Many consider it a life-changing book, with its message of love and forgiveness a welcome reminder of the core tenets of Christianity. Others consider it subversive, undermining Church authority and the Bible.

Personally, I’d have to say both sides are right, and that’s why I loved the book. Although entirely Christian (the main character spends much of the book ‘visiting’ with the Holy Trinity of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit), its exploration of good and evil, free will, the nature of love, and the role of religion, are all done in a way that can appeal to anyone, regardless of their religious faith. And in the end, the focus of the book is on the spiritual process, not religious beliefs – the process of growth and learning that true seekers within any faith engage in.

Since so much has already been said about The Shack, I’ve decided to highlight the theme most relevant to this blog – themes of parenthood. The plot of the book is designed to plunge the reader into one of the most fundamental questions of religious faith – if there is a loving God, how can such evil exist in the world? And the way it does so is through a storyline representing every parent’s darkest fear – the main character’s youngest daughter, just six years old, is abducted and brutally murdered by a serial killer.

There is perhaps no more basic, or universal, love then a parent’s love for their children, and nothing that could inspire more raw anger and hatred than the harming of a young child (in polls, when people are asked if they believe in the death penalty, many who otherwise don’t support it pause or change their answer when specifically asked about child molesters or murderers.) In this way, Mack is forced to face the disconnect between his ‘beliefs’ and his true inner thoughts – while he professes to ‘believe’ in a loving God, inwardly he is angry at God for not protecting his daughter, and cannot understand how God can possibly allow such an event.

In his visit with God (who appears to him as an African-American woman, because that is what he least expects), his anger and these questions are the focus of all the discussions regarding free will, and what it means for the world to exist independently of God. That independence enables both suffering and the joy of the spiritual process, the joy of rediscovering God through one’s own mistakes and inquiry. As God explains to Mack, removing humanity’s free will would end suffering, but it would also end any possibility of engaging in spiritual practice, and finding God for oneself.

And what is the pathway to finding God for oneself, even in the separate and independent world? LOVE (of course)  and parenthood emerges as one of the primary means for humanity to do this. In fact, in one scene, a spiritual judge uses Mack’s feelings for his own children as a way of explaining the crucifixion to him. She asks Mack to choose two of his children to be ’saved’ and two to be damned. Mack refuses to choose, and instead says ‘take me in their place’ – the same choice, the judge explains, that Jesus made.

The love of parent for child is also expounded upon as a pathway to finding God, in addition to all other types of human relationships. God explains to Mack that it is first through our love for others that we learn what love is, and only then can we pursue a loving relationship with God (or Christ.) And since our parents are our first experience of love, they largely shape our initial relationship with spirituality. If our parents abuse us or are unable to love us, we will struggle with the trust required for any true faith. We can heal this as adults through forgiveness, and through our own adult relationships, with friends, spouses, and, especially, our children.

While I do not consider myself Christian – or at least not exclusively so – The Shack’s exploration of love is broad enough for me to embrace. And although I am hesitant about paths that expound parenthood as a spiritual path (see my post on the Spiritual Mommy Wars for more on that), I think the author here has made it clear that truly loving in any form takes work, and ALL our relationships, not just parenthood, are potential vehicles for exploring love.  So overall, I recommend this book to absolutely anyone with spiritual interests of any type, although if you are not Christian, you will need to look past the surface.

If you are interested in some of the current religious debate surrounding The Shack, one of the best places to go is Amazon.com, where the most influential reviewers have excerpted their reviews. The official book website is www.theshackbook.com, and there are of course links to many positive reviews there. Two theologically critical reviews (both LONG) can be found at: http://www.challies.com/archives/book-reviews/the-shack-by-william-p-young.php and http://sharperiron.org/2008/07/17/the-shack-a-review/.

Two others posts from this blog that explore ways to use your own parental love as part of a spiritual journey can be found here: Meditation For Busy Women Part III – Love and Mystic Parenting. For other book reviews on this site, go to the Book category.