On Seeing, Wisdom, and the Value of Non-Detachment

“I knew at last that I must leave…get out of the press of affairs…the god does not speak to those who have no time to listen. The mind must seek out what it needs to feed on, and it came to me at last that what work I had to do, I must do among the quiet of my own hills.”  – Merlin in The Crystal Cave by Mary Stewart

I picked up The Crystal Cave again a few weeks ago after someone mentioned it on an annual retreat I was conducting in Utah, just after my friend’s passing (in fact, he was scheduled to attend.) I read Stewart’s full Merlin trilogy almost twenty years ago, and I thought escaping into its pages was exactly what I needed this summer. But as often happens when we are drawn to certain books, these have ended up being much more than an escape. I am not the same person I was back then, so these are not the same books. Everything Merlin says regarding seeing, finding the flow of life, following power, and finding and owning his role in the larger scheme of things, is resonating very deeply.

So I have been  “among the quiet of my own hills”  – or as quiet as my hills get, with three young children out of preschool for the summer. Retreat is very relative these days! But I had years before children with plenty of solitude, silence, and formal retreats, and I find at this point that I can center myself with much less. Motherhood has taught me efficiency, even in this.

I did find going almost completely offline for a month – once daily email checks only – extremely helpful. I am a strong believer in ’sabbaths’ and have always stayed offline for one full day each week, and limited my daily number of hours online as well. I know it’s not fashionable to say so, but from an energetic perspective, I don’t think social networking is all that different from the real-life version. Every encounter is an energy exchange. And while I love being online because it is so much easier to find like-minded individuals, and there are so many wonderful people to interact with and learn from, the outward-directed mental energy required to blog, comment, and interact can create a very turbulent mind. It’s easy to lose the ability to be alone with ourselves.

So I am very committed to internal stillness and solitude right now – regardless of external circumstances. Especially since I have been sensing a new direction brewing in my own life, and need to create the space for this to form fully. As Merlin says, seeings like this aren’t something that can be pushed – they have to take their own time surfacing. Interestingly, more unstructured time with the kids, and focusing on the details of some house remodeling we are doing, have proved to be the perfect counterpart to whatever is going on under the surface (who knew paint swatches and tile samples could be so soothing?) And now I do feel  ready to emerge a bit, and get back online. I have missed you all!

As for my friend’s passing, I could write volumes on that, and on him, for he was a very special being. I know we always say that when someone dies, so those of you that didn’t know him will just have to take my word for it. I probably will write more on him at some point, but since I do observe certain Buddhist death rituals, I have been holding a traditional 40-day vigil for him that will end next week, and don’t want to say anything before that.

I did want to share a passage from yet another book that has resonated with me recently – Tsultrim Allione’s Women of Wisdom. I have mentioned this book before, and will probably post on it more next week. I was re-reading it in the days before my friend’s passing, and in fact just hours before I learned of his death was reading a passage that proved to be a guiding light in the subsequent days. Lama Tsultrim Allione was one of the first Western women to be ordained as a Tibetan Buddhist nun, and spent four years receiving teachings from some of the most revered Tibetan Lamas, including much time in solitary retreat in Tibet. She decided to give back her vows after four years in order to marry and have a family, and continue her Buddhist studies as a layperson. She is now, with her children grown, herself one of the most revered Lamas teaching in the West today.

After giving back her monastic vows, she had two daughters, and then a few years later, boy/girl twins. At 2 1/2 months, the little girl twin died of SIDS. Coming on the heals of a difficult pregnancy and marriage troubles, her little girl’s death sent her into a deep, dark night of the soul. And she was not helped when at her daughter’s funeral, another Buddhist practitioner came up to her as she was grieving, tears streaking down her face, and said “You should not be so attached to this baby; everything is impermanent.”

Lama Allione talks about the ’superficial’ understanding of the dharma, or teachings, that drove such a comment. It is something I have seen a lot of in spiritual circles, of all denominations. Whether we say ‘everything is impermanent’, ‘God had a plan’, or ‘it was meant to be’, all too often we use philosophies and theologies to distance ourselves intellectually from the reality of life. This doesn’t mean these views of death aren’t true, but if they are used as a way to avoid the true human emotions of loss, to me they are useless. Wisdom is a union of heart and mind, not a cutting away of one in favor of the other. I am not interested in an enlightenment that says a mother should not cry for her lost baby, or one that prevents an acquaintance from simply holding her when she does.

So, in the aftermath of my friend’s passing, when conducting the retreat he was scheduled to attend, with many who were also mourning him present, I was glad to have read this passage, and glad to have had the reminder of what NOT to do. ‘Spiritual mentor’ is a dicey role, not one I embrace all that comfortably, and I know it is all too easy to fall into posturing – acting the way you think you should act, the way people expect, and parroting the teachings, rather than speaking from the heart. But wisdom can’t be faked, and it does not come just from the intellect.

So I thought for this first post back I would invite you to share your own views on wisdom, and what exactly it is. I look forward to reading your responses!

Spiritual Experience vs. Realization (or What’s The Point, Anyway?)

I have been musing lately about the relationship between spiritual experiences and spiritual realization. I said in a prior post on chakras that I don’t think dramatic spiritual experiences necessarily lead to personal insight or wisdom. I said this because I am a lover of meditation, but I know firsthand that you can have wonderful meditative experiences – moments of stillness, joy, love, or even dissolution – but not change much off your meditation cushion. I know it’s not spiritually PC to say so, but you can meditate and still be ignorant, arrogant, uptight, mean, or insecure.

In fact, attachment to meditative states can actually become a hindrance to spiritual growth – many Buddhist and yogic texts warn against becoming addicted to spiritual highs or blisses. This is especially true within the traditions that teach chakra and kundalini meditation, which is what I mostly practice and teach, because these high-energy techniques can result in dramatic shifts in awareness. And if you’re meditating just for those, you might as well be bungee-jumping. I mean, experience is fine, you could even make a case that diverse experience is what life is all about, but collecting experiences is not happiness, or peace, or enlightenment.

So what exactly is the point of meditation then? Or of spiritual practices and techniques at all? Or, for that matter, of this vast expanse of techniques and traditions (heavily marketed these days I might add) that we call ’spirituality’?

Gangaji was asked this question once at an event I attended, and simply said, ‘to be kind.’ The Dalai Lama has said something similar. A classic Buddhist answer is simply ‘to be happy’. Some, such as Eckhart Tolle, might say that spiritual growth has become necessary for humanity to survive – that evolving beyond ego-based living has become an imperative. Another teacher I once had said spiritual seeking was just a personal preference or proclivity – much like Mozart’s pull to music or Shakespeare’s to words. Some of us are just drawn to the other side.

Others would argue that all of life is a spiritual journey, that everything we learn is part of the process, and that distinguishing something called ’spirituality’ is pointless and divisive. In principle I agree with this, but it’s also true that spiritual paths – methods and advice for experiencing the mystic or divine aspects of ourselves and the world – have emerged within virtually every culture. So there is something different going on here – a desire to consciously seek light and direct knowledge emerges at some point for many humans.

Spiritual practices, and particularly meditation when it’s practiced in a spiritual context (which of course it isn’t always), are tools for opening the doorway to light and direct knowledge. And this direct knowledge, or direct experience, of spirit/awareness/presence/the other side/God/Goddess/divinity/the sacred dimensions – or whatever term you prefer – is the mark of a mystic in any tradition, as I see it. Of course meditation isn’t required for that – people often have spiritual experiences outside meditation. Anytime our usual perceptions or fixed identity drops away, and our awareness opens up or expands, we’ve touched this. And many different things can trigger such moments. Meditation is simply a structured way of opening up, of releasing, into this – rather than leaving it to chance, you could say.

But from what I’ve seen, on its own even the best meditation practice isn’t enough to change someone, to evolve them, to make them kinder or wiser. For that to happen, meditative experiences have to be processed, and they have to be integrated into a larger context of spiritual practice.

This makes sense if you think about it, because we have all sorts of experiences in life and don’t necessarily learn anything from them, unless we put some effort into processing them. For example, our psychological hang-ups might pull us back to the same types of dysfunctional relationships over and over, and it takes conscious work to break the cycle. Unraveling and releasing these kinds of patterns is a big part of what modern personal development, and ancient spiritual practice, is all about. Whether you call it karma or conditioning or the ego or just being stupid, by default we are driven by mostly unconscious mental and emotional patterns. We have to dredge that stuff up into the light of day to work through it and let it go.

Part of the reason I’ve always liked Buddhism is that it emphasizes a holistic spiritual path, it is really a way of life, and meditation is just one part of it. The Noble Eightfold Path, a foundation teaching that is accepted in some form by most branches of Buddhism, outlines eight aspects of practice, and meditation is one aspect (or maybe two, depending on how you interpret them.) I think the best teachers within any tradition emphasize this holism. I was amazed when I first read St. Theresa of Avila’s books (the queen of dramatic spiritual experiences), as she outlines a very similar integrated spiritual path. And it is found in the writings of mystics within every tradition, I think.

When this integration isn’t present, spiritual practice just breeds arrogance, or confusion. I’ve seen a lot of this in spiritual communities I’ve been a part of over the years, and I’ve suffered through phases of it myself. Although I may be inviting trouble by saying so, I think it’s a particular problem with born-again Christianity: There’s a sense that this one dramatic experience saves you, and changes you forever. There’s little support for the idea that you need to process this experience to understand what it represents, or that you need to work to stay true to it, and be on guard for your ego’s attempts at distortion.

So, that’s my take on meditation and spirituality, from 10,000 feet: Meditation in any form (and there are many types) helps open our perceptual boundaries, and awakens us to realms of awareness – and spirit – that are hard to find amidst the busyness of our daily lives and minds. And sometimes the resulting experiences are dramatic, sometimes they are more subtle. Either way, on their own these experiences mean little. It’s what we do with them that matters. What do they show us about ourselves, and who or what we thought we were?  How do they shift our ideas about ourselves in relation to others and the world? What do they teach us about the nature of reality and our role in shaping it?

Just my two cents, what’s yours?

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Four Paths to Freedom – Which Is Your Root Path?

For the next post in my mystic spirituality series (which I have to warn you I may meander through with lots of tangents, because I am after all a Pisces and just can’t help myself) I wanted to cover the four types of spiritual paths, which correspond to four types of mystic experiences. I don’t usually like categorizing much, but I find this particular classification system useful for:

1) understanding the religious and spiritual traditions of the world

2) understanding the different routes to ’spiritual’ experiences, and

3) understanding your own spiritual proclivities

These four categories are based on ancient Hindu texts such as the Vedas and Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, but I first came across them in the biography of Vivekananda, one of the formost disciples of Sri Ramakrishna, and the first Indian ‘Swami’ to travel to Europe and the U.S. (he did this before Yogananda, founder of the Self-Realization Fellowship.)

In Vivekananda’s writings, he labels each path as a different type of yoga, or path to ‘union’ (which is what the word yoga means.) The root of any experience that we label as ’spiritual’ or ‘mystic’ is a dissolution of boundaries, and therefore rooted in a sense of union with forces or a power larger than ourselves. Of course dividing life into ’spiritual’ and ‘non-spiritual’ moments presents big problems, but for the sake of this post, let’s just not get worked up about that – I think we can all acknowledge that we have certain moments or experiences of opening that help define our spiritual lives. Personally I prefer the word ‘freedom’ to ‘union’ – as in, freedom from the forces that usually keep us tied down or separated. So I call this Four Paths to Freedom, but you can call it whatever you want!

Think about what you gravitate to the most as you read this. What has preceded your defining moments? What dissolves you? Which of these traditions have you gravitated to the most? Each path is traditionally associated with certain risks, which I have listed, so think also about whether you have ever been (or currently are) caught in any of these traps? Let me know in the comments!

Paths of Inquiry (Jnani Yoga)

These paths revolve around direct inquiry into the nature of reality, mind, personal identity, and God/source. While these start as intellectual exercises, the practices are meant to move you beyond intellect, dissolving subject and object and all the dualities of mind that cause us to believe we are separate from God/source/each other.

Motto: To Know (or even better, To Know the Knower)

Seeking: Truth

Tradition Examples: Zen (all of Buddhism to some extent, but Zen in particular), Taoism, Vedanta, Hasidic Kabbalah (in terms of Talmudic study), Eckhart Tolle, Jungian-based symbolic psyche systems, the Enneagram

Risks of these paths: Getting trapped in the mind. Analysis paralysis. Mistaking intellectual understanding for wisdom, or self-awareness for realization.

Antidote: Surrender. Your intellect is your tool on this path, not who you are. It can bring you to the brink, and then you have to let go.

Paths of Devotion (Bhakti Yoga)

These paths revolve around devotion to an external representation of God, source, or love. Usually, this is devotion to a teacher, deity or other person meant to represent the liberated state. While initially these generate feelings of love for the object of worship, the idea is to collapse into the love itself, recognizing yourself as a pure expression of love, not an individual feeling love.

Motto: To Love (or even better, To Become Love)

Seeking: Connection

Tradition Examples: Christianity (through devotion to Christ), Tantric/Vajrayana Buddhism (through mandala, deity, or guru identification), Sufism, ritualized Hinduism (deity devotion), Guru yoga

Risks of these paths: Getting trapped in external devotion. Never recognizing the same source inside yourself. Getting addicted to the ‘feelings’ of love or bliss that devotion can trigger, without taking the next step into becoming love. Sentimentality. Self-righteousness – when emotion becomes the sole psychological driver.

Antidote: Discrimination – as in the mental ability to take a knife to your ego, discriminate between the various forces at work there, and surgically dissect your emotional addictions (which can be considered a kind of jnani yoga – inquiry and devotion work together.) If you stay trapped in worship for the emotional ‘high’, your ‘object’ of worship has to remain external to yourself. Give up temporarily feeling good to be free.

Paths of Service (Karma Yoga)

These paths revolve around service to others, as a means to overcoming the ego’s self-interest. The goal is to live in selflessness, through service to others, in order to overcome all egoic attachments and thought patterns. Dissolution occurs through recognizing everyone (and yourself) as expressions of the same source. Service to others is service to self  – there is no separation.

Motto: To Serve (or even better, To Serve as Source)

Seeking: Selflessness

Tradition Examples: Christianity (think Mother Teresa), Judaism (in the principle of tikkun, or making the world ‘whole’ through compassionate action), Bodhisattva practice in Mahayana Buddhism (which includes Zen and Tibetan Buddhism, but some lineages stress service in action more than others, and fit better here), karma yoga monasteries like that established by Vivekananda himself (one of Gandhi’s inspirations)

Risks of these paths: Attachment to outcome – judging results instead of focusing on your inner relationship to service. Also, martyrdom or ’service ego’ – attachment to others viewing you as a ‘good person’, which masks underlying insecurities. And finally, compassion fatigue – a shutting down due to sacrificing your own needs beyond a level that is sustainable long term.

Antidote: Solitude. Meditation. Pulling inward instead of going outward for a time, to reconnect to your source and recognize your true drives.

Paths of the Unseen (raja yoga)

Raja actually means ‘king’, and these paths are so called because they combine aspects of all the other paths, plus add in occult and energy studies. The idea is to study the unseen forces in our world – the patterns of energy and laws of existence that determine what we experience and how the world evolves. Or put another way, the laws of creation. Dissolution comes through the recognition that we ourselves create the world, as opposed to the focus being on an external ‘creator’. Any act of creation – from the creative arts to healing (which is a kind of re-creation) to magic and manifestation – can be a practice on this path.

Motto: To Create (or To Become Creation)

Seeking: Power  – as in the power to Create/Manifest

Tradition Examples: Tantric/Vajrayana Buddhism, mystic Kabbalah, kundalini yoga, siddha yogic paths, Religious Science/New Thought Christianity, energy healing traditions practiced as part of a spiritual path, Evolutionary astrology, any occult or energy-based tradition (magick, divination, healing, even martial arts) that is practiced as part of a spiritual journey

Risks of these paths: Arrogance. Attachment to using power as an individual, to fulfill your own ego desires, instead of as a means for experiencing yourself as a conduit for creation. Also, disassociation – too much time in the ‘unseen’ can leave you emotionally disconnected from ‘real life’.

Antidote: Compassion, and service (the raja and karma paths can work to balance each other just as the bhakti and jnani can.) Focusing on your connection to others is the best way to keep yourself connected and balanced.

Many people label only devotional or occult paths as ‘mystic’, but as I said in my Are You a Mystic? post, I use it much more broadly. As for my own tendencies, in my life I have most definitely focused the most on the Paths of the Unseen, with a strong draw to Paths of Inquiry too. But interestingly, the main focus of my last few years – parenting – is a combination of the other two Paths, Devotion and Service. So I’ve been pulled to explore other aspects of myself – and spirituality – through that.

So what’s your tendency? What paths (formally or informally) have you been drawn to? What do you most seek – Truth, Connection, Selflessness or the Power to Create? What traps have you encountered? I’m interested to know…

And if you like, please:

February in Review

Last month I did a month-in-review post for the first time, idea and format courtesy of Mon at Holistic Mama, and the feedback was good, so here we go again…

Summary

Both the kids and I are more balanced this month, partly because I wrote less (hence fewer posts here), and because my mother and stepfather are visiting the area for 7 weeks, and can help out. The kids LOVE all the extra attention – a good reminder that mindful attention is all they ever really need. This month felt like a transition – I’m not entirely sure to what yet though.

Fun

The twins are potty-trained!! Right now this feels like the biggest accomplishment of my life. Nothing like trying to catch two 2-year olds ‘in the act’ to develop mindfulness.

Making valentines with the kids. I have NO artistic abilities whatsoever, but as a mother have discovered that I love arts and crafts, so doing it with my kids this age sets me free. Does look like they will soon surpass me in skill however.

Getting lots of comments on my ‘Are You a Mystic?’ post. I don’t seem to inspire comments much, although a respectable number of you do read this  (unless DH is paying wordpress and feedburner to inflate my stats??) So I was happy to finally get comments, and hope to inspire more with a new series on mysticism for women this month.

Being interviewed by Amy Jewell of www.cirkla.com on BlogTalkRadio. On my hand before the interview I wrote: 1) Don’t talk too fast, 2) Don’t say ‘um’, and 3) Don’t giggle. Listen and let me know how you think I did. Thx.

Starting up my meditation classes again. Always amazed how much teaching propels my own meditations forward.

Hiking in my favorite place with DH (see picture below.)

Challenging
Rain. The month started out with LOTS of rain, which normally I love, but this got old. I know, those of you busy shoveling your driveway don’t want to hear my whining. But eight years in sunny southern CA have made me a wimp.

The dentist. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to visit the dentist for the first time in five years, since we do actually have dental insurance. This resulted in not one, not two, but three deep cleanings.  All I can say is – FLOSS!!!

The economy hit closer to home. The midwest town where my family is from has been hit very hard, and two cousins were laid off this month, one after 23 years working for the same company, and the other with four kids and an already perilous mortgage. Others we know have survived recent lay-offs and/or taken paycuts. It is interesting to feel the feelings of anxiety this brings up, as well as compassion, and questions as to how to help.

Thoughtful

I have continued to explore the weird world that is Twitter. On the upside, I have found several Buddhist and spiritual articles from tweets that I liked. On the downside, Twitter is basically hell for an intuitive person. It’s full of people desperate to get your attention in 140 characters, and because of the high volume, this occurs at a frantic pace. It is like a giant out-of-control  human psyche made visible. Very strange. And addictive, of course. And then there is the mystery of the sudden influx of followers I got this past week. Am I listed someplace? Adding to the mystery is that many defined themselves as Christian Conservatives??? Really not sure what to make of all this.

An insight/thought

I have noticed that at the start of my meditations I am spending more time working through two prominent layers of distraction. The first I call ‘internet mind’, which is a busyness related to additional time online (including Twitter), and  which is very frenetic. The second is a pervasive subtext of anxiety, increasing with the world’s focus on the economy. Cutting through these two layers so that they don’t subtly  ’attach’ to and magnify my own thoughts is tricky business.

Website/blog Find

Liked this interview with three women spiritual/yoga teachers I really respect – Lama Tsultrium Allione, Shiva Rea, and Sarah Powers

Words

“If you can fix a problem in a single subtle structure, the solution will be shared throughout the entirety of the body–subtle and physical.” A little geeky I know, but I get geeky when it comes to chakras and energy body stuff. This is from The Subtle Body, which I loved reviewing this month.

Note to Self

Must stick to vow to limit daily online time, and to honor an ‘internet sabbath’ – at least 24 consecutive hours offline once each week.

Favourite Tip/Idea from web

Also liked this article from Karen Miller, author of Momma Zen, called Parents, Leave Your Home. She is always good at highlighting the ways we perpetually wish things were other than they are.

Slice of home

This isn’t a slice of home, but a slice of the home in my heart (sorry for the uncharacteristic sappiness.) With my mom and stepfather here to watch the kids, DH and I were able to hike in one of our favorite places, for the first time in five years. We started at the bottom, down by that river you can barely see! Based on how my legs feel, it will be another five years before we try this again.

Meditation – Intent, Intuition and the Stillpoint In Between

Looking back, I realized I haven’t written a straight post about meditation for some time, so here goes. This is kind of a companion to my Types of Meditation post. In that post, I briefly described different forms of meditation from the perspective of their benefits. In this one, I will instead talk about forms of meditation from the perspective of which aspect of mind they emphasize. I think it is useful to look at this distinction, particularly for people that have been meditating for awhile, because I believe in the value of mixing things up a bit – experimenting with different techniques to prevent your mind from becoming attached to one approach.

The two main aspects of mind are active and passive (what else?) When we are directing our mind in a concentrated fashion – reading a book, or trying to sort out a problem – we are consciously engaging in the active aspect of mind. When we are sitting back and observing (our mind or something external) or absorbing (listening to music and the like) we are consciously engaged in the passive, or receiving, aspect of mind. I put ‘consciously’ into both descriptions, because much of the time we are engaged in unconscious mental activity – just letting our mind wander about, and that might also be active or passive in nature. But the one thing all meditation techniques have in common is that in all of them we are trying to relate to our mind consciously.

There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of different meditation techniques. Some utilize active aspects of mind, and some utilize passive aspects of mind. Either way, the technique is just a means of shifting our awareness away from our usual thoughts and emotions. So while the techniques might seem drastically different, they are all meant to be doorways into other levels of awareness and insight. It is like the yin/yang symbol – the black/active/yang side and the white/passive/yin side initially seem like opposites, but they are dependent on each other, in the sense that they each help define the other. We can’t understand one without the other, and we can’t realize the wholeness they represent together until we see them both. In the same way, an understanding of both active and passive aspects of mind, and both types of meditation, enables us to see beyond them.

So what are active aspect of mind meditations? I would classify most visualization meditations in this category, particularly guru and deity visualizations. In many Tantric forms of meditation (found within Hindu-based kundalini yoga lineages and Tibetan Buddhist lineages), a visualization of  a teacher, Buddha, or deity is used in order to actually merge your own mind with the states represented by that being. This kind of meditation is also found in Christianity – read some of St. Theresa of Avila’s descriptions of her ‘contemplations of Christ’ and it’s clear she is visualizing him in  devotional fashion. Visualizations of places, mandalas, and other things along those lines are also active, because the goal is very similar to deity-visualizations – to merge your mind with the vibration of that place or creation.

Affirmations and other intent-focused meditations are also active in nature. You are actively trying to direct the vibrational level of your awareness – it is like launching an arrow in the direction you want to go through your own active effort. In fact, all of the various suggestions out there for using the law of attraction are means for effectively harnessing the active aspect of mind. Ditto for compassion and metta meditations, where you visualize those you care about and expand out from there. In these you are connecting your mind and being towards love by consciously directing it. I would say the same is true for chakra meditation, because you are trying to merge your mind with the energies of one or more chakras (amongst other things.)

Passive, or receiving (the term I prefer), forms of meditation are those that are observation or intuition based. So traditional breath meditations, and meditations where you attempt to observe your own mind, letting its activity float by like ‘clouds in the sky’, fall into this category. Chanting meditations as well, because they normally involve instruction to ’settle’ into the sound. The myriad of meditations associated with developing intuitive skills are also receiving techniques. Many of these involve ‘emptying out’, ‘opening up’ and other techniques that involve letting go of control rather than directing it as in active meditations.

Now, all this active and passive talk is really just one way of talking about meditation, because in every meditation we use a little of both. For example, when your mind wanders in a breath meditation, you do actively pull it back. And when you feel a merging occurring in a visualization meditation, you let go into the experience. So meditation is always a balancing act between control and surrender, acting and receiving.

But the overall techniques do tend to fall into one or the other category. And the type of meditation you engage in influences what parts of yourself you will discover, what parts of you will develop, and what doorways of awareness you will walk through. I think problems can arise when someone becomes attached to only one meditation technique or approach to mind. What tends to happen is that someone gravitates towards those techniques that feel the most comfortable to them, and over time, they go to the ’same place’ in their meditations every day. That’s probably fine if you are just looking for a particular daily ‘fix’ – if, for example, you mostly engage in meditation in order to calm down, and have found one place you ‘go to’ that relaxes you each time. But if you are engaged in meditation for personal or spiritual growth, it becomes a problem. Because growth and comfort rarely go together.

I say this knowing full well that many spiritual traditions emphasize only one form of meditation, and encourage a practitioner to stick with it for life. I also recognize the value of this advice – too many people, especially here in the West, take a ’shop til you drop’ approach to spirituality, jumping from technique to technique, and thus never sticking long enough with one to discover what it has to offer. I also believe that it is important to have one core technique. BUT, I think there is great value in occasionally exploring techniques that are very different, at least in part as a test for yourself as to whether you have become attached to one form or aspect of mind. If you have a regular practice, you could do this once a week, or every few months for several weeks.

Regardless of what technique(s) you choose, remember that yin/yang symbol. That symbol is also about balance. You could say that exactly in the middle of the symbol – and your meditation practice – there is a stillpoint of perfect balance, where the mind is neither active nor passive. That stillpoint is a doorway into eternity. Or God/enlightenment/nirvana/the tao/brahma/Allah/source – whatever words you wish to use. So whether your chosen technique is active or passive in nature, or you mix it up, it is always meant to be a pathway towards that middle, still, point – the point that exists beyond them both.

For more meditation posts, check out the Meditation page.

BellaOnline, Belief-o-Matic, Contagious Happiness, Interfaith Calendar

With the holidays coming up, I thought I would just do a misc. post with some little things that might be of interest.

First of all, I wanted to mention that I have recently become the new Buddhism site editor for BellaOnline. BellaOnline is the second-largest women’s site on the web (in terms of traffic), and the only major one not commercially owned. All the writers and management are volunteers, including each of the site editors for their 400+ topics. Although I am still officially in training, I have posted my first two articles, and will be adding at least an article a week going forward, as well as revamping the various site categories and external links. If you are interested in Buddhism, check it out at http://www.bellaonline.com/site/buddhism, or check out some of the other articles in the Religion and Spirituality category.

I will of course continue to post here on more general spiritual topics, especially on issues of women’s spirituality, women mystics, motherhood and spirituality, spiritual books, and meditation.

Ok, now for fun. If you are interested in having your faith tested (literally), consider taking Beliefnet’s Belief-O-Matic quiz. This funky test asks you 20 religious/spiritual questions regarding your beliefs (or lack of), practices, and views on certain social issues. Based on your answers,  it spits out a list of practically every major religion and spiritual tradition there is (and some I am not so sure exist) and tells you what percentage of your answers matched each one. The idea is to match you with traditions most compatible with you.

In the interest of disclosure, I will tell you my top and bottom five:

1.     Neo-Pagan  (100%)
2.     New Thought (96%)
3.     New Age (94%)
4.     Scientology (94%)
5.     Mahayana Buddhism (94%)

23.     Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons)  (19%)
24.     Eastern Orthodox (19%)
25.     Roman Catholic (19%)
26.     Seventh Day Adventist (15%)
27.     Jehovah’s Witness (6%)

The bottom five were not a surprise, as they represent the most conservative Christian religions. However, I was surprised to find out I was a Neo-Pagan, and a potential Scientologist! I think the interfaith nature of my beliefs contributed to that. The last time I did this test, Mahayana Buddhism was number one, which makes the most sense to me, although I think this time the question weighting system they recently introduced changed my results, because I rated reincarnation questions as lower in relevance. Anyway, it does make you think.

Another interesting thing to check out is a recent study reported in Time magazine on the contagious nature of happiness. Leave it to social scientists to prove what seems perfectly obvious to anyone involved in consciousness fields. But this is interesting to me because it is a tangible example of our connectivity, and of how we all have an opportunity to impact each other positively every moment.

Finally, one of the women on my Religious Roundtable forum on Cafemom recently posted this Interfaith Calendar, which lists holidays year round in virtually every religious tradition. If you are into such things, it is quite interesting.

Have a wonderful holiday week, I’ll post one more time in 2008!

Book List: Daily Spiritual Contemplation Books

This is my last book list as part of my ‘give a book’ holiday effort (and as much as I love to read, I am ready to take a break!) Check the Books Page for more book lists and book reviews.

Before I dive into this last list, a few other recommendations I’d like to mention. The first is The Faith Club: Three Women Search for Understanding. I finally got around to reading this book (as part of a Religious Debate forum on Cafemom, check it out if you are into such things), and think it is a fascinating read for almost anyone, regardless of whether you are religious. In it, three women, one Muslim, one Jewish and one Christian engage in a two-year debate and discussion on their respective religions, and write about their experience. It is about a lot more than religion, touching on politics, social stereotyping, parenting and many other themes.

The other thing I’d like to mention is a ‘Mothering and Spirituality’ booklist that I recently found on a blog called RiversGrace. Scroll down the right sidebar on her blog for the list. A booklist such as this is another thing I have been working on, but I have not yet read enough books to do a full list (I do read EVERY book I put on my lists.) Several of the books on RiversGrace’s list I have read and loved, and the titles of the others sound promising, so check out this list if you have been hankering for a book on spirituality and motherhood.

OK, now for Daily Spiritual Contemplation books. These are books that are designed to be read just a few pages at a time, and in some cases are even dated that way. I was recently sent a few great ones for review by a publisher, and that reminded me how many I have that I love, and how dear they are to me. Having a book like this at your bedside, in your purse, or, yes, on the back of your toilet (I do all three) is a great way to assure you touch base with your spiritual side daily, however briefly.

If one of your New Year’s resolutions is to try and be more mindful, more present, more spiritual (whatever that means) or something along those lines, consider getting one of these books to help you out. Just DON’T turn it into a source of guilt, as I just won’t be part of that:-) If you miss a day, or a few, just slide back into it – no anxiety please. As usual, I have tried to offer a mix of non-denominational spiritual books, along with those tied to particular religions or traditions.

Wide Open: On Living with Passion and Purpose, Dawna Markova – This luscious book is a mixture of musings, quotes, questions and photographs designed to help you contemplate how you can do exactly what the subtitle says – live with more passion and purpose. This book is not coming from the perspective of a particular spiritual tradition or set of practices, but in my mind the themes around which the book is organized are intrinsically spiritual. Some samples: ‘Losing Yourself to Find Yourself’, ‘Embracing the Mystery’, ‘Sheltering Fear’, and ‘What Have You Been Given With Which to Give?’ The nature photography is especially stunning, so if you enjoy a mixture of text and images, this book is for you.

Quiet Mind: One-Minute Retreats from a Busy World, David Kundtz – This book offers over 150 two-page musings on aspects of our busy, hyper-stimulated modern life, and ideas for ’stopping’ in the midst of it. In ‘Telephones, Beepers and Clocks’, the author suggests designating a particular sound you hear daily – such as the microwave beep when something is done – as a trigger for a mindful moment through a single deep breath. In ‘A Hard Question’, the author muses on the materialism of our world, the pressure to accumulate more and more, and suggests looking for ways throughout that day to say to yourself  “that’s enough”. This is a great way to focus on just one simple mindful theme each day, in a way that is bound to transform your perceptions over time.

The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have, Mark Nepo – Written by a poet and teacher, this book is organized by date, with 1-2 page offerings for each day of the year. Beautifully written, each entry begins with a quote from another poet, saint (practically every spiritual tradition is represented), or other literary work, followed by the author’s musings and a set of questions to contemplate that day. Some random samples: “August 1: The Pain of Becoming – We do ourselves a great disservice by judging where we are in comparison to some final destination.” “April 10: At Home in Our Skin – The spiritual life is about becoming more at home in your own skin.”

Spiritual Literacy: Reading the Sacred in Everyday Life, Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat – This is a collection of hundreds (650 according to the back cover) excerpts from contemporary books and movies, organized according to spiritual themes such as ‘Things’, ‘Nature’, ‘Creativity’, ‘Service’, ‘Relationships’ and ‘A Day in the Spiritual Life’. Each section is designed to help us find the sacred in every moment and experience we have. Just opening the book randomly (which I often do), I find a poem from Mary Oliver, a quote from Thich Nhat Han, and an excerpt from a book on quilting. All of the book titles are listed right with the excerpt, so this is a great way to find new books that you might not otherwise have found, in addition to providing daily food for thought.

365 Tao: Daily Meditations, Ming-dao Deng – This book offers 365 gems of wisdom from Taoism. Each page is themed, and begins with a short quote or poem, followed by the author’s contemplation, often in the form of a parable. Day 1 – ‘Beginnings’ starts with “This is the moment of embarking, All auspicious signs are in place.” Day 59 – ‘Source’ begins “Wellspring of energy, Rises in the Body’s Core. Tap it and be Sustained, Channel it and it will Speak.” Both the content and form stay true to the essence of Taoism, without New Age clutter. If you are looking for authentic Taoism, give this a try.

Dhammapada: The Sayings of the Buddha (Pocket Classic), Thomas Byrom – This pocket-sized version of the Buddha’s core teachings and sayings was in my purse for almost ten years when I lived in Manhattan. I read it on the subway, in line at the post office, waiting for the bus, or even stuck in traffic (one spends a lot of time on transportation in NYC.) It isn’t just that this book is small, it’s that this particular translation is excellent – accessible but true to the original meaning – and without cluttering notes or author thoughts. A random sample – “Believe, meditate, see. Be harmless, be blameless. Awake to the law, and from all sorrow free yourself.”

Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, Paul Reps and Nyogen Senzaki – Another Buddhist offering, this classic is not strictly speaking a daily contemplation book, but a set of Zen parables and aphorisms that cut to the heart of Zen. Since most are less than a page, they are perfectly absorbed on a one-per-day basis. If you are interested in absorbing Zen, give this a try. The trick is not to force understanding – just let each story or saying sink in over time.

The MacArthur Daily Bible: Read the Bible in One Year, John MacArthur- I went back and forth on including this, because I have reservations, but I decided to do so because I think there is alot of educational (and spiritual) value in getting through the Bible at least once in your life, regardless of your religious beliefs (or lack thereof.) I have not yet found  a truly ecumenical or interfaith daily bible, but this one worked fairly well for me. Mostly I like the organization, with each day offering a reading from the Old Testament, New Testament and Psalms. The author throws in his own commentary, which you may or may not like, but in any case can easily skip.

The Little Book of Hindu Deities, Sanjay Patel – This book also isn’t really a daily contemplation book, but it isn’t a children’s book either, and I included it on my Children’s World Religions book list. I just like it a lot, and so does everyone I have shown it too, and I wanted to include something from Hinduism. The author is an animator from Pixar Studios, and has drawn anime-style pictures of all the major Hindu deities, along with cheeky descriptions of their legends and attributes.

A Year with Rumi: Daily Readings, Coleman Barks – Rumi, a Sufi mystic, is one of my favorite poets, and this collection offers up a poem a day, accessibly and beautifully translated. A sample from June 26th, ‘The Self We Share’ begins “Look fish, you are already in the ocean. Just swimming there makes you friends with glory.” Or, from February 5th, ‘Throat-Song’, “Let your throat-song be clear and strong enough to make an emporer fall full-length, suppliant, at the door.”

For more book lists and reviews, head to the Book Page.

Empathy – Core Virtue for Kids AND Adults

Although I have one more book list I would like to post (on Daily Contemplation books), I decided to take a break and do another kind of post today, partly in honor of the holiday season, and partly because in this economy, many people are anxious or suffering.

I recently read a parenting article on nurturing virtues such as kindness, honesty and generosity within kids. The author identified the core virtue – the virtue from which all others spring – as empathy. Our ability to understand how others feel, what hurts or aids them, is the foundation for all of our virtuous actions towards others.

As someone interested in both spirituality and parenting, I find this interesting to contemplate, because empathy is also the root virtue identified in most religious and spiritual traditions. The Golden Rule, ‘treat others as you would like to be treated’, is specified in some form in every tradition I can think of.

So what is empathy exactly? Thinking about what it really means to develop it in children provides a lot of clues. There’s a difference between telling your two-year old not to bite because he will get a time-out vs. helping him understand it hurts the other person. There’s a difference between telling your five-year old not to call someone names because it “isn’t ‘nice” vs. showing her how it makes the other person sad. And there’s a difference between teaching your tween not to tease someone because “it’s wrong” vs. because it might cause the victim real pain.

Developing empathy requires getting beyond punishment, social mores, or even ideas about right and wrong. It requires that we take the time to ask questions like ‘what do you feel like when someone bites/calls you names/teases you?’ The essence of empathy is our ability to feel or understand someone else’s pain as if it is our own.

I often think of this when a story comes out about a bunch of tweens or teens bullying a peer (often online) to the point of suicide, or near-suicide. Parents of the abusers are often shocked, saying the usual ‘He/she is such a good kid, a straight A student, volunteers at church’ etc. And that probably all is true. But it is in the nature of teenagers to rebel and test limits, so if their ‘good’ behavior is entirely based on fear of punishment, or wanting to please adults, or a sense of social rectitude, they are destined to want to break and defy those expectations at some point. And they are also naturally self-absorbed, engrossed in one of the most intense life transitions there is. So unless they have a strong foundation of truly considering others’ feelings, too often empathy won’t naturally arise.

The same is true for us adults, and is perfectly illustrated by the difference between what I would call ‘moral kindness’ and true compassion. Most religions, in their form of the Golden Rule, tie adherance to some form of retribution, whether it is damnation, bad karma, or eternal delusion. Or, they hold out visions of what it means to be the ‘perfect spiritual human’ – the saint, the pious, the enlightened. So if we are religiously or spiritually inclined, we try and toe the moral line, whether out of fear or guilt. Either way, we aren’t necessarily feeling any true empathy.

Developing true empathy requires a combination of self-awareness and attentiveness to others. We have to truly be present enough in our encounters to sense what another is feeling, and aware enough of our own internal workings to let go of any attachments we have to judgments or outcome. Then we will feel a natural and real connection to others, and this is what empathy really is. Connectivity is the reason so many spiritual traditions incorporate practices designed to inspire compassion and empathy. Saying ‘we are all connected’ is philosophical, but actually feeling our oneness, experiencing it, is the essence of personal spirituality and mysticism.

So whether it is in our children or in ourselves, there is great value in looking at what truly motivates kind behavior. Empathy isn’t about making excuses for others, saying ‘they can’t help it’ when they wrong us. But it is about sensing what they feel, attempting to understand it, and feeling a connection without condemnation or martyrdom. Empathy is perhaps the greatest spiritual gift we can give ourselves, our children, and the world.

If you are interested in more parenting articles, try the Motherhood page. If you are interested in more spiritual practice posts, try the Meditation page.

Book List: Introducing Young Children to World Religions

This book list is a counterpart to my last post, Spiritual Books for Young Children. Read that post for more info on how these lists came about. Both lists are part of my ‘give a book month’ effort – check the posts on the right for some great adult spiritual gift book options.

This list is of books for introducing children ages 3-9 to religions other than their own. Many of these books are also good for teaching children about their own religions, but that was not the main criteria for the list. I have focused here on selecting two books for each of the five major world religions, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism and Christianity. There are a few honorable mentions related to other traditions, or geared for older kids, thrown in at the end.

This list is of course entirely subjective! There are a lot of children’s books out there for some of these religions, so I really tried to focus on those that entertained my own daughter the most. Feel free to add your own recommendations in the comments section.

Buddhism
Becoming Buddha: The Story of Siddhartha, by Whitney Stewart – This is an introduction to the main themes of Buddhism through a telling of the Buddha’s life story. One of the few Buddhist offerings geared for children this young, the interesting artwork and fascinating story held my daughter’s interest.

Peaceful Piggy Meditation, by Kerry Lee Maclean – One of my favorites, this book presents meditation as a tool kids can use to help them deal with the difficult everyday situations they most often confront – getting teased by their siblings, falling down at school, or served a dinner they can’t stand.

Hinduism
Lighting a Lamp: A Diwali Story, by Jonny Zucker – Geared for the younger end of my target age range, this book introduces the Hindu festival of Diwali by walking through one family’s celebration of the day. It is part of the Festival Time series, a collection of books introducing holidays from all the major religions.

The Little Book of Hindu Deities: From the Goddess of Wealth to the Sacred Cow, by Sanjay Patel – This is actually not a children’s book, but came highly recommended, and my daughter loves it. The author is an animator with Pixar Studios, and has drawn hip, colorful drawings of all the major Hindu deities, along with brief descriptions. An entertaining way for anyone of any age to learn about the Hindu pantheon.

Islam
Ramadan, by Suhaib Hamid Ghazi – This book follows a young boy named Hakeem through the major rituals of Ramadan, including fasting, praying and visits to the mosque. Although a bit heavy on text for my four-year old daughter, her slightly older friend loved it, and it won out over others about Ramadan because of its exquisite illustrations.

Salaam: A Muslim American Boy’s Story, by Tricia Brown – A profile of a real-life American Muslim boy and his family, depicted through simple text and photographs. This book introduces the five pillars of Islam, and cultural aspects of Islam such as hijab (women’s headscarves) in an accessible way, as well as broaching the difficult topic of religious intolerance. My daughter was especially fascinated by the photographs, and flipped through the book again and again.

Judaism
What Makes Someone a Jew? by Lauren Seidman – With rhyming text and color photographs, this book introduces children to the diversity of Jews around the world. Focused on the basic shared tenets of loving and kindness, this book focuses more on a sense of inclusiveness than religious theology, but presents a powerful multi-cultural image of modern Judaism.

Beni’s Family Treasury for the Jewish Holidays, by Jane Breskin Zalben – For a more informative yet entertaining introduction to Judaism’s tenets, try this collection of five stories about bear Beni and his family’s trials and tribulations while celebrating various Jewish holidays. These tales combine educational information and good storytelling in a way rare for children’s religious books, and left my young listener clamoring for more.

Christianity
As it turns out, finding books to introduce Christianity from a non-Christian perspective was the biggest challenge I faced in compiling this list. In the end, I let the entertainment  factor take precedence and selected picturesque books that introduce the two most well-known Christian religious holidays, Christmas and Easter. Check the Honorable Mentions list below for some other Christianity ideas.

Humphrey’s First Christmas, by Carol Heyer – This adorable version of the nativity story is told from the perspective of Humphrey, a grumpy camel witnessing the event. As Humphrey begins to appreciate the value of what he is involved in, he puts his own complaints aside and learns the true meaning of Christmas – selfless giving and love. Humphrey was a hit, with me and my daughter.

The Easter Story, by Brian Wildsmith – The story of Easter is not an easy one to relay to children, with betrayal, suffering and death all prominently featured. This beautifully illustrated version does it justice, focusing on the deeper meaning of each event without glossing over the details too much. Like in the prior book, an animal features prominently, this time the donkey Jesus rides into Jerusalem.

Honorable Mentions
These were books I liked, but that were either geared for slightly older children, or dealt with religions other than the ones covered above.

One World, Many Religions: The Ways We Worship, by Mary Pope Osborne – Survey of all the world’s religions from children’s perspectives, geared for 9-12 year olds.

Religion (DK Eyewitness Series), by Myrtle Langley – Another survey book for 9-12 year olds, from the well-known education series DK Eyewitness.

Meet Jesus: The Life and Lessons of a Beloved Teacher, by Lynn Tuttle Gurney – Accessible and universalist telling of Jesus’ life story, appropriate for liberal Christians and non-Christians.

Aisha’s Moonlit Walk, by Anika Stafford – Introduction to pagan holidays and celebrations throughout the year.

Zen Shorts, by Jon Muth – Introduction to Zen principles by a giant panda, targeted to children 9-12, but the pictures pulled my four-year old in as well.

The Elephant Prince: The Story of Ganesh, by Amy Novesky – Beautifully illustrated tale of Ganesh, Hindu deity.

True Gratitude – Thanksgiving without Fear of Loss

I have recently been re-reading some of my favorite Buddhist books, most notably Chogyam Trungpa’s Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, which was released in a new hardcover version in October. This is a timeless Buddhist classic by a true master. In my opinion, anyone who considers themselves a ’spiritual seeker’, regardless of whether or not they are Buddhist, should read this book at least once a year. This book always grounds me, and if I am indulging in any particular spiritual delusion, it will surface while I read.

In the last week or so, while I have been reading this book, many of the spiritual websites and forums that I regularly visit have had articles about gratitude, in celebration of Thanksgiving. Gratitude is trendy right now, since the huge success of The Secret two years ago. Focusing on abundance brings us more abundance, so the theory goes, in one interpretation of the law of attraction. And I believe that, to a point. Certainly focusing on what we have, instead of what we don’t, shifts our awareness and perspective in a way that can only improve how we act and interact in the world. And in a culture where we are marketed to 24/7, constantly being told that we ‘need’ this or that to feel happy, attract a mate, or stay healthy, focusing on feeling grateful can ground us, defusing the state of constant desire that this advertising seeks to create in us.

What I have observed however, in myself and others, is that focusing on gratitude can be a sham – a trick we play on ourselves to feel good. We can be reciting a list of ‘thank-yous’, but our real focus, at the emotional level of our awareness, is how much we want to keep those things, or how we really want more. Then, instead of feeling grateful, what we are really feeling is desire for more of something, or a fear of losing it. Desire and fear are the pillars of the human ego, and are really two sides of the same state – a grasping outside of ourselves. Much of what we think and feel is based on trying to get something that we are sure will fulfill us, or trying to prevent something that we are sure will destroy us. In either case, we are focused on controlling out external circumstances.

True gratitude is almost a surprised state. It is a spontaneous appreciation, that keeps us fully focused in the moment, on what we are experiencing right now. We don’t feel a need to possess and keep the experience, so it doesn’t give rise to a desire for more or a fear of loss. At the risk of sounding cliche, we can just be. To live this way on a daily basis requires a deep spiritual connection, whatever you think that connection is (and every religion conceives of it differently.) When we live from that place, we know nothing can ever destroy us, no matter how much pain it causes, so we don’t live in fear. And we know nothing external can ever complete us, so we don’t depend on getting what we want for temporary ‘happy’ highs.

As many spiritual teachers have said over the centuries (in one form or another), living in this state of gratitude is very simple, but it isn’t easy. It is less about striving then surrendering. Heading into the holiday season – which is so often about desire -during these difficult economic times – which are all about fear – we are confronted with the perfect opportunity to face these twin patterns. Moving beyond desire and fear, or beneath them inside ourselves, is really what the spiritual journey is all about.