I have received many questions about mid-life kundalini transits recently, and so felt that was a sign I should reblog this post. Also please note that the final edition of Meditate Like a Girl published this week, and includes the last of my posts in the 12-chakra meditation series I had been doing there – ‘YOU as a Chakra’, with a free guided meditation. You can get to that by clicking on the link in the sidebar after reading this post. Namaste-
Originally posted on Mommy Mystic:
“In each moment the fire rages, it will burn away a hundred veils.
And carry you a thousand steps toward your goal.” -Rumi
There’s one word for summing up the energetics of midlife, at least within the spiritual traditions that discuss it – FIRE. As in holy fire, sacred fire, kundalini, transformative light, and the burning away of obstacles and any debris. Also hot flashes of course, which I have yet to experience, but are all part of the energetic fun.
From an energetic perspective, midlife shifts occur throughout our forties. Biologically, perimenopuase for women is the 8-10 years prior to menopause, and the current average age for menopause is 51. Throughout most of our 40s then, our body (and energy body!) are experiencing shifts in preparation for menopause, regardless of whether we experience any physical symptoms. Our hormones are shifting, and usually we experience…
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I’ve decided to occasionally rerun some older posts, and this one has long been one of the most popular posts here. As I head out for some time in nature myself, it felt like a wonderful time to revisit this. I hope you agree, and feel free to share your own thoughts on the earth’s energy hotposts…
Originally posted on Mommy Mystic:
For those that resist the idea of chakras, in the human body or the earth, think of it this way: Chakras are simply energy vortexes or intersection points, which we know exist in some form in virtually every structural and energetic system. Think joints in the skeletel system, or glands in the endocrine/hormonal system. Chakras are the energetic version of these intersections, and each one conducts a different type of energy. Electromagnetic research is starting to be able to detect these intersections – in both humans and the planet.
Another model I like for thinking about chakras is as a doorway for awareness. Whether you are meditating on your own chakras, or traveling…
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We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes but I can see that that they are and that when they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence. If men don’t have to be aggressive in order to be accepted women won’t feel compelled to be submissive. If men don’t have to control, women won’t have to be controlled. Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum instead of two opposing sets of ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by what we just are, we can all be freer…It’s about freedom. – Emma Watson, speech at the U.N. introducing the HeForShe campaign
When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.
– Madeleine L’Engle
We live in an angry world, and there’s plenty to be angry about. Anger is the ultimate pushing away – when we feel angry we have divided the world into ‘us’ and ‘them’ or ‘me’ and ‘you’. There’s no common ground when we’re acting from anger, no acknowledgement of interdependence, or of a shared world. Anger is the root of violence, towards ourselves and others. We can look around the world, and perhaps even in our own lives, and easily see the paths of destruction anger has wrought.
Of course, there’s a time and a place for setting boundaries, and for standing up for ourselves or others, and sometimes anger is a necessary part of that. But for many of us, anger is a habit, an emotional pattern, that creates isolating barriers in our lives. Anger is a way of not feeling vulnerable, or of avoiding some other feeling that we are uncomfortable with, often fear or hopelessness. It is easier to lash out than to sit with these feelings. But our anger creates walls, and we end up feeling alone and unsupported, even when we are surrounded by people.
I’ve had to work with anger a lot in my own path, and I work with a lot of women for whom anger – and its subtler expressions, defensiveness, judgment and self-judgment – are an issue. Many childhood abuse survivors develop patterns of anger as a form of self-protection, but find in adulthood that it’s so ingrained they can’t allow anyone in. They may have worked through a lot of the more overt wounds from their abuse in therapy or through healing modalities, but find they are still left with the habit of pushing people away, or of being easily triggered into anger (whether this anger is expressed outwardly or turned inward.)
On the upside, I’ve come to feel anger in abuse survivors is a good sign. Anger is at least a strong emotion, a strong energy, and it can be transmuted into great strength when it’s worked through. Patterns of passivity, depression, or addiction – all terribly over-represented among abuse survivors – are often much harder to come back from. Anger is at least based on a strong sense of self-protection, which predisposes there IS some sense of self to begin with.
In the two modalities I work with, it is very interesting to contemplate how anger is usually represented in each. From a chakra perspective, the third chakra (navel or solar plexus, depending on the tradition) – our center of personal power, will, and boundaries – is often very strong, but the energy is rigid, and forms a protective barrier around the sacral/second and/or heart/fourth chakras on either side of it. Instead of a natural flow between these chakras, energy is pooled in the third chakra, and forms a gate or wall around the sacral and heart. There is little sense of support from a strong root /first chakra, and so the wall is easily triggered – anything that is emotionally uncomfortable causes a clamping down, and a pushing outward. Sometimes this remains internal, and is expressed as judgmental or angry discursive thought, or sometimes it becomes aggressive speech or action.
The third chakra plays a central role in our ability to establish strong boundaries, but ideally our ability to do so is supported by our entire energy being. Boundaries are essential, but part of the irony of this kind of third chakra hyper-strength is that we put so much attention into building emotional walls that we have no energy or attention left for energetic boundaries, and we suck in everything around us – including other people’s anger and anxiety – which only compounds our edginess.
It’s also interesting to look at anger through the lens of the the other main modality I use (with myself and others), Feeding Your Demons. There is a moment in this process in which we become our ‘demon’ of anger, and look back at ourselves through the demon’s eyes. So often the anger demon sees us as naïve, weak, or gullible – as needing protection. That’s why we fear letting go of our anger, even when we know it is causing problems in our life – what will happen to us without our armor? But often what our anger demon really needs, when it’s allowed to express itself through this process, is to relax. Self-protection is exhausting.The part of us from which our anger springs just wants to feel safe enough to relax, without constantly being on guard.
Some inquiry work you can do if you are working with anger in yourself is to ask yourself the following questions whenever you are feeling angry, or afterwards, when contemplating the triggering situation:
- Am I/was I in pain? Just as a small child’s first instinct is often to hit back whenever he is hit by another child, so too we often lash out when in energetic or emotional pain. The key is recognizing when we are in pain, and becoming comfortable with the pain itself, instead of jumping to the ‘next step’ of an angry, defensive, or irritable response. Practice recognizing when your feelings are hurt, or when you are overwhelmed by abrasive energy. For example, being in a crowd is often a triggering situation for me, because of the overwhelming influx of energy , which my energy body experiences as painful.
- What am I/was I responding to as threatening or dangerous in the situation? Sometimes anger is an expression of the ‘fight’ response, in terms of the ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ survival instinct. See if you can identify what is making you feel unsafe. Is criticism at work triggering fear for your livelihood? Does the person you are angry with remind you of someone abusive from your past? Our feelings don’t need to make sense, so just inquire openly.
- What are/were the layers of emotions present? Try to drop down into the protected emotion. What emotion are you uncomfortable feeling, and using anger to cover up? Can you just sit in this emotion instead and let it be, without any need to move away from it through anger?
- Focus on reminding yourself that you are safe (assuming you objectively are.) Take some deep belly breaths, and focus on relaxing in your navel/solar plexus chakra. Focus on the ground beneath you, and visualize a column of vital red light flowing upward through your feet and into your whole body. This light is protecting and fueling you, so that you do not need to work so hard to do so yourself.
Longer term, the key to working with your anger is to focus on what you are protecting – that part of you that feels unsafe and vulnerable. Help this part of you gradually feel more comfortable with uncertainty and painful emotions. Send this part of you love and healing – visualize it as a vulnerable little girl or boy if you like, and send her or him heart energy. Don’t attack your anger through self-judgment (a common tendency in spiritual circles, where anger is often considered persona non grata.) Your anger is just a protective habit – it’s well-intentioned in its own way, and you don’t need to go to war with it. As you allow yourself to feel more supported in your life, and as you become more comfortable with feeling vulnerable (or anxious, or sad, or whatever emotion you have been uncomfortable facing), your need to jump to anger as a defense will gradually subside.
Of course none of this is a substitute for therapy or other healing work, and you need to gauge what you can work with on your own, and when you need help. Accepting help of any type is often another key component of starting to drop self-protective barriers. Often these barriers are also expressed in terms of hyper self-sufficiency, and we fear dependence on others so much that we will not allow ourselves to accept help. In many ways, recognizing our interdependence is the opposite of anger, and accepting help is a wonderful way to begin moving towards this insight.
Peace! As always, I welcome your own insights and sharings in the comments. Please also note that I am offering my Energy Work for Sexual Abuse and Trauma 4-week teleseminar again starting September 21. Prior participants may take the course again for half-price to reinforce the work (and it is always slightly different each time.) Please share with anyone who might be interested.
I didn’t quite get to a new post this mother’s day, but did want to take a moment to wish you all a wonderful day of celebrating motherhood, your mother, or the beauty of nurturing in general (for we are all mothers to something.) Here also are some past posts – perhaps one will contain a nugget you could use right now:
All Beings Have Been Our Mother (at BellaOnline)
I also wanted to offer this poem excerpt from Mary Oliver, who understands loving and letting go (the core of motherhood) – so well:
“to live in this world
you must be able
to do three things
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go”
- Mary Oliver, from the poem “In Blackwater Woods”
In closing, a blessing for the 275+ kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls (and countless other children suffering from brutality less publicized on any given day):
May you be back in the arms of your mother soon.
Til then may you feel the strength and love of the eternal mother in your bones.
May it carry you through your travails, through your pain, to peace and love some day again.
“To not have your suffering recognized is an almost unbearable form of violence.” – Andrei Lankov
April is National Sexual Assault Awareness month, and for me this month is really about breaking silence and facing that which we usually push aside. So much of the suffering that sexual abuse and assault survivors experience is due to the discomfort of those around them, and from our culture at large. Often the prevailing message is to keep quiet, not make waves, and move on. The underlying pain, betrayal, shame, rage, and fear is left untended.
In what remains of April, I urge you to help redress this balance in some small way. Perhaps consider a donation to a charity that works to combat sexual violence or aid survivors (VDay and The Breathe Network are two of my favorites.) Perhaps let an assault or abuse survivor in your life know that you care. Or perhaps you can show your solidarity in another way – by vowing to face something in yourself that you have pushed aside, left untended, or unhealed. We all have such parts of ourselves, and when we surface and speak them they begin to lose their power. We begin to heal, and as we heal ourselves, we heal the world.
In the spirit of this, I found a poem to share called ‘Breaking Silence’, that I feel speaks powerfully to this theme. But first, a few offerings this month, several of which are related to National Sexual Assault Awareness month:
- I will be offering Meditate Like a Girl’s FREE monthly guided meditation next Tuesday the 22nd. The theme is ‘Spring is Here’, and we will tap into the energies of spring in nature, and our chakras, to connect with the energy of rebirth available now. Click here to register (you can listen live or by recording after the fact.)
Note that also at Meditate Like a Girl I am continuing my Chakra Meditation series by introducing a 12-Chakra meditation, based on the 12-chakra system from Cyndi Dale. The article includes a free guided meditation, as the other articles in this series have. Enjoy!
- Related to National Sexual Assault Awareness month, tune into Diantha Harris’ Life Potentials Radio Show next Thursday night, April 24th (or listen to the recording afterwards) to hear Diantha interview both myself and Molly Harris (founder of The Breathe Network) in a show entitled “Identity and Empowerment After Sexual Trauma.” We will be discussing many powerful topics including the pros and cons of words like ‘victim’ and ‘survivor’, the role of body-based modalities in healing trauma, and the very complicated, often fraught topic of forgiveness.
- Also offered free this month by The Breathe Network is Understanding Trauma and the Body by Lara Veon on Friday April 25th. This is the first of a series of offerings by The Breathe Network to educate healing practitioners and trauma survivors about holistic ways of working with trauma.
In honor of this month I have also created new, better-quality, versions of the audio files that accompany my free Ebook Healing the Subtle Body Wounds of Sexual Trauma. I’ll be updating the book itself soon too, but for now, at least the recordings are more usable. (And if you have utilized this Ebook and found it beneficial, please consider reviewing it on Amazon, Ibooks, Smashwords, Goodreads or anywhere else it appears. Thank you!)
I hope you find these offerings useful, and that you consider ways to break through your own silence this spring.
Had I; reached so far
Can’t sense pain anymore
With my heart ajar
Dragging my sinking ship to shore
A warrior; I’ve been
Battled with words through thick and thin
With my existence being my only sin
I forged a war within.
Hatred imbued minds
Deeper than depression, longer than loneliness
With me and my dark side
My mind; a voice in utter mess
A voyage; self discovery
Out of this cold paralysed dark
Leaving behind a trail of memories
So sore, so stark
There’s a voice within
Unheard and unknown
My only saviour, my kin
Saying I’m not forlorn
This place, this silence
Had scared me for long
However this violence
Nurtured a heart so strong
This voice shall break silence
The silence of my sorrow
Let it roar, let it show
The years of being hollow
This voice shall rise above
From the shackles of cruelty
To preach the bosses; meaning of love
To give strength to plurality